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I suffer from peroxide phobia. Every time I've gotten near a blond woman, something of mine has disappeared. Jobs, boyfriends... one time an angora sweater leaped right off my body.
Rita Rudner
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Rita Rudner
Age: 71
Born: 1953
Born: September 17
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Voice Actor
Miami
Florida
Phobia
Every
Suffer
Boyfriends
Something
Mines
Sweater
Time
Mine
Blond
Suffering
Sweaters
Woman
Jobs
Disappeared
Body
Gotten
Leaped
Right
Near
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My father was never very friendly. When I was growing up, I thought the doorbell ringing was a signal to pretend you weren't home.
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I adore being hitched. It's so extraordinary to discover one unique individual you need to irritate for whatever remains of your life.
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I don't look back. I'm like a shark - I only look forward.
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I hate learning through experience. Just once I'd like to learn something because someone was nice enough to tell me in advance.
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I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult.
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My father watched football with the sound off because he lived in fear of hearing the voice of Howard Cosell.
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Men are brave enough to go to war, but they are not brave enough to get a bikini wax.
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I want to have children, but my friends scare me. One of my friends told me she was in labor for 36 hours. I don't even want to do anything that feels good for 36 hours.
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I get so happy when I write a joke. It's a very satisfying, liberating feeling.
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If I say a joke and the audience laughs it makes me feel good.
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Only men who have worn a ski suit understand how complicated it is for a woman to go to the bathroom when she's wearing a jumpsuit.
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My husband gave me a necklace. It's fake. I requested fake. Maybe I'm paranoid, but in this day and age, I don't want something around my neck that's worth more than my head.
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Thirty, I really like you but I still have to see other people.
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I had the most boring office job in the world...I used to clean the windows on envelopes.
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All men think that they're nice guys. Some of them are not. Contact me for a list of names.
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I don't think jogging is healthy, especially morning jogging. If morning joggers knew how tempting they looked to morning motorists, they would stay home and do sit-ups.
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I jogged for three miles once. It was the worst three hours of my life.
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Neurotics build castles in the air, psychotics live in them. My mother cleans them.
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