Quote

I suffer from peroxide phobia. Every time I've gotten near a blond woman, something of mine has disappeared. Jobs, boyfriends... one time an angora sweater leaped right off my body.

Rita Rudner

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Rita Rudner
Age: 71
Born: 1953
Born: September 17
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Voice Actor
Miami
Florida
Time
Mine
Sweater
Suffering
Blond
Woman
Sweaters
Jobs
Disappeared
Body
Gotten
Right
Near
Leaped
Every
Suffer
Phobia
Something
Mines
Boyfriends

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No man is charming all of the time. Even Cary Grant is on record saying he wished he could be Cary Grant.
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When four or more men get together, they talk about sports.
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My new dress. Do you like it? It's from my favorite designer, On Sale.
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Men own basketball teams. Every year cheerleaders' outfits get tighter and briefer, and players' shorts get baggier and longer.
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My Vegas act is how I make my money.
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I'll never understand why people go to movie theaters to have conversations. Going to the movies to talk is like going to a restaurant to cook. The idea is that you have paid your money to have someone do something better than you can do it yourself.
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I don't look back. I'm like a shark - I only look forward.
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Most women are introspective: Am I in love? Am I emotionally and creatively fulfilled? Most men are outrospective: Did my team win? How's my car?
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You know it's love when you want to keep holding hands even after you're sweaty.
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Someday I want to be rich. Some people get so rich they lose all respect for humanity. That's how rich I want to be.
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To attract men, I wear a perfume called 'New Car Interior.'
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Not one man in a beer commercial has a beerbelly.
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How come when you mix water and flour together you get glue...and then you add eggs and sugar and you get cake? Where does the glue go?
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I have too many credit cards. You know what happened? Someone stole one and I didn't notice. I noticed when I got that bill. Whoa! It was so much less! I'm letting him keep it. I'm saving money!
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Neurotics build castles in the air, psychotics live in them. My mother cleans them.
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Men don't live well by themselves. They don't even live like people. They live like bears with furniture.
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An amicable divorce is like a ventilated condom it just doesn't work.
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Men don't mature. Marry a younger one.
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Men hate to lose. I once beat my husband at tennis. I asked him, Are we going to have sex again? He said, Yes, but not with each other.
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Men like to barbecue. Men will cook if danger is involved.
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