Quote

I suffer from peroxide phobia. Every time I've gotten near a blond woman, something of mine has disappeared. Jobs, boyfriends... one time an angora sweater leaped right off my body.

Rita Rudner

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Rita Rudner
Age: 71
Born: 1953
Born: September 17
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Voice Actor
Miami
Florida
Suffering
Blond
Woman
Sweaters
Jobs
Disappeared
Body
Gotten
Right
Near
Leaped
Every
Suffer
Phobia
Something
Mines
Boyfriends
Time
Mine
Sweater

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I adore being hitched. It's so extraordinary to discover one unique individual you need to irritate for whatever remains of your life.
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I jogged for three miles once. It was the worst three hours of my life.
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I get so happy when I write a joke. It's a very satisfying, liberating feeling.
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When a woman tries on clothing from her closet that feels tight, she will assume she has gained weight. When a man tries something from his closet that feels tight, he will assume the clothing has shrunk.
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Men who consistently leave the toilet seat up secretly want women to get up to go the bathroom in the middle of the night and fall in.
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Thirty, I really like you but I still have to see other people.
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Never take candy from strangers.
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Individuality in dressing is not important to men. If they all look alike it means they haven't made a mistake.
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Most turkeys taste better the day after my mother's tasted better the day before.
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I want to have children, but my friends scare me. One of my friends told me she was in labor for 36 hours. I don't even want to do anything that feels good for 36 hours.
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Be careful of men who are bald and rich the arrogance of rich usually cancels out the nice of bald.
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I don't look back. I'm like a shark - I only look forward.
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When I eventually met Mr. Right I had no idea that his first name was Always.
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Men are brave enough to go to war, but they are not brave enough to get a bikini wax.
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We've begun to long for the pitter-patter of little feet - so we bought a dog. Well, it's cheaper, and you get more feet.
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Before I met my husband, I'd never fallen in love. I'd stepped in it a few times.
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Going out to eat is expensive. I was out at one restaurant and they didn't have prices on the menu. Just faces with different expressions of horror.
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My husband gave me a necklace. It's fake. I requested fake. Maybe I'm paranoid, but in this day and age, I don't want something around my neck that's worth more than my head.
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I had the most boring office job in the world...I used to clean the windows on envelopes.
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A saleslady holds up an ugly dress and says, 'This looks much better on.' On what? On fire?
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