Quote

I suffer from peroxide phobia. Every time I've gotten near a blond woman, something of mine has disappeared. Jobs, boyfriends... one time an angora sweater leaped right off my body.

Rita Rudner

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Rita Rudner
Age: 71
Born: 1953
Born: September 17
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Voice Actor
Miami
Florida
Jobs
Disappeared
Body
Gotten
Right
Near
Leaped
Every
Suffer
Phobia
Something
Mines
Boyfriends
Time
Mine
Sweater
Suffering
Blond
Woman
Sweaters

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I had the most boring office job in the world...I used to clean the windows on envelopes.
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Yes, I've now got this nice little apartment in New York, one of those L-shaped ones. Unfortunately, it's a lower case l.
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Neurotics build castles in the air, psychotics live in them. My mother cleans them.
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Only men who have worn a ski suit understand how complicated it is for a woman to go to the bathroom when she's wearing a jumpsuit.
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The time you spend grieving over a man should never exceed the amount of time you actually spent with him
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How come when you mix water and flour together you get glue...and then you add eggs and sugar and you get cake? Where does the glue go?
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I want to have children, but my friends scare me. One of my friends told me she was in labor for 36 hours. I don't even want to do anything that feels good for 36 hours.
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I don't like when there's too much conversation because I'm shy and it makes me uncomfortable.
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My cousin just got married for the totally wrong reasons. She married a man for money. She wasn't real subtle about it. Instead of calling him her fiancé, she kept calling him her financee.
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Men who are going bald often wear baseball caps.
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I have been doing leg lifts faithfully for about fifteen years, and the only thing that has gotten thinner is the carpet where I have been doing the leg lifts.
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After you've dated someone it should be legal to stamp them with what's wrong with them so the next person doesn't have to start from scratch.
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Waiters and waitresses are becoming nicer and much more caring. I used to pay my check, they would say Thank you. That's now escalated into You care care of yourself, now. The other day I paid my check and the waiter said, Don't put off that mammogram.
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Be careful of men who are bald and rich the arrogance of rich usually cancels out the nice of bald.
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My Vegas act is how I make my money.
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I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult.
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Men like to barbecue. Men will cook if danger is involved.
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Men have an easier time buying bathing suits. Women have two types: depressing and more depressing. Men have two types: nerdy and not nerdy.
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When you're a dancer, you start with the basics. You don't all of a sudden do a grand jete and pirouette. You start with first position, second, third.
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Men don't feel the urge to get married as quickly as women do because their clothes all button and zip in the front. Women's dresses usually button and zip in the back. We need men emotionally and sexually, but we also need men to help us get dressed.
Rita Rudner