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I get so happy when I write a joke. It's a very satisfying, liberating feeling.

Rita Rudner

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Rita Rudner
Age: 71
Born: 1953
Born: September 17
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Voice Actor
Miami
Florida
Satisfying
Joke
Jokes
Feeling
Happy
Write
Feelings
Writing
Liberating

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I suffer from peroxide phobia. Every time I've gotten near a blond woman, something of mine has disappeared. Jobs, boyfriends... one time an angora sweater leaped right off my body.
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The time you spend grieving over a man should never exceed the amount of time you actually spent with him
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Men would like monogamy better if it sounded less like monotony.
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All men look at Dr. Ruth and wonder how she has gained all that sexual experience.
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A saleslady holds up an ugly dress and says, 'This looks much better on.' On what? On fire?
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I jogged for three miles once. It was the worst three hours of my life.
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Yes, I've now got this nice little apartment in New York, one of those L-shaped ones. Unfortunately, it's a lower case l.
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My grandmother was a very tough woman. She buried three husbands and two of them were just napping.
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Men who are going bald often wear baseball caps.
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I love to write jokes and that's all I think about.
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Men don't live well by themselves. They don't even live like people. They live like bears with furniture.
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Men who listen to classical music tend not to spit.
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There are different kinds of humor, some is sarcastic, some introspective. Introspective fit my personality better.
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I was a ballerina. I had to quit after I injured a groin muscle. It wasn't mine.
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One of my first office jobs was cleaning the windows on brown envelopes.
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How come when you mix water and flour together you get glue...and then you add eggs and sugar and you get cake? Where does the glue go?
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Women take clothing much more seriously than men. I've never seen a man walk into a party and say Oh, my God, I'm so embarrassed get me out of here. There's another man wearing a black tuxedo.
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Men don't feel the urge to get married as quickly as women do because their clothes all button and zip in the front. Women's dresses usually button and zip in the back. We need men emotionally and sexually, but we also need men to help us get dressed.
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Most turkeys taste better the day after my mother's tasted better the day before.
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My parents were glad to see that my new husband looks like a 'regular guy'-no earring or anything. But really I think a man with an earring is better prepared for marriage. I mean, he's already experienced pain and bought jewelry.
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