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There are different kinds of humor, some is sarcastic, some introspective. Introspective fit my personality better.

Rita Rudner

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Rita Rudner
Age: 71
Born: 1953
Born: September 17
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Voice Actor
Miami
Florida
Humor
Better
Different
Kind
Introspective
Sarcastic
Fit
Kinds
Personality

More quotes by Rita Rudner

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I had no desire to be a stand-up comic until I decided to do it.
Rita Rudner
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Men don't mature. Marry a younger one.
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Men are sensitive in strange ways. If a man has built a fire and the last log does not burn, he will take it personally.
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If you like easygoing, monogamous men, stay away from billionaires.
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I never know what to get my father for his birthday. I gave him a hundred dollars and said, 'Buy yourself something that will make your life easier.' So he went out and bought a present for my mother.
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To attract men, I wear a perfume called 'New Car Interior.'
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It takes six months to get into shape and two weeks to get out of shape. Once you know this you can stop being angry about other things in life and only be angry about this.
Rita Rudner
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Waiters and waitresses are becoming nicer and much more caring. I used to pay my check, they would say Thank you. That's now escalated into You care care of yourself, now. The other day I paid my check and the waiter said, Don't put off that mammogram.
Rita Rudner
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You know it's love when you want to keep holding hands even after you're sweaty.
Rita Rudner
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Envy the kangaroo. That pouch setup is extraordinary the baby crawls out of the womb when it is about two inches long, gets into the pouch, and proceeds to mature. I'd have a baby if it would develop in my handbag.
Rita Rudner
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When I eventually met Mr. Right I had no idea that his first name was Always.
Rita Rudner
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I loved my mother very much, but she was not a good cook. Most turkeys taste better the day after my mother's tasted better the day before. In our house Thanksgiving was a time for sorrow.
Rita Rudner
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How come when you mix water and flour together you get glue...and then you add eggs and sugar and you get cake? Where does the glue go?
Rita Rudner
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Be careful of men who are bald and rich the arrogance of rich usually cancels out the nice of bald.
Rita Rudner
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Men like phones with lots of buttons. It makes them feel important.
Rita Rudner
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Never take candy from strangers.
Rita Rudner
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Going out to eat is expensive. I was out at one restaurant and they didn't have prices on the menu. Just faces with different expressions of horror.
Rita Rudner
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When four or more men get together, they talk about sports.
Rita Rudner
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The way a man looks at himself in a mirror will tell you if he can ever care about anyone else.
Rita Rudner
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I love to write jokes and that's all I think about.
Rita Rudner