Quote

Some women hold up dresses that are so ugly and they always say the same thing: 'This looks much better on.' On what? On fire?

Rita Rudner

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Rita Rudner
Age: 71
Born: 1953
Born: September 17
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Voice Actor
Miami
Florida
Funny
Women
Better
Looks
Dresses
Thing
Ugly
Much
Humor
Always
Hold
Fire

More quotes by Rita Rudner

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All men think that they're nice guys. Some of them are not. Contact me for a list of names.
Rita Rudner
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I adore being hitched. It's so extraordinary to discover one unique individual you need to irritate for whatever remains of your life.
Rita Rudner
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Most turkeys taste better the day after my mother's tasted better the day before.
Rita Rudner
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I work for myself, which is fun. Except when I call in sick, I know I'm lying.
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I burned sixty calories. That should take care of a peanut I had in 1962.
Rita Rudner
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To attract men, I wear a perfume called 'New Car Interior.'
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Why are women wearing perfumes that smell like flowers to attract men? Men don't like flowers. I have a great idea for a scent that will attract men - how about New Car Interior?
Rita Rudner
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Halloween was confusing. All my life my parents said, Never take candy from strangers. And then they dressed me up and said, Go beg for it. I didn't know what to do. I'd knock on people's doors and go, Trick or treat.
Rita Rudner
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Men hate to lose. I once beat my husband at tennis. I asked him, Are we going to have sex again? He said, Yes, but not with each other.
Rita Rudner
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Never take candy from strangers.
Rita Rudner
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I hate learning through experience. Just once I'd like to learn something because someone was nice enough to tell me in advance.
Rita Rudner
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My parents were glad to see that my new husband looks like a 'regular guy'-no earring or anything. But really I think a man with an earring is better prepared for marriage. I mean, he's already experienced pain and bought jewelry.
Rita Rudner
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I love to write jokes and that's all I think about.
Rita Rudner
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I don't look back. I'm like a shark - I only look forward.
Rita Rudner
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I had no desire to be a stand-up comic until I decided to do it.
Rita Rudner
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I don't like when there's too much conversation because I'm shy and it makes me uncomfortable.
Rita Rudner
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I suffer from peroxide phobia. Every time I've gotten near a blond woman, something of mine has disappeared. Jobs, boyfriends... one time an angora sweater leaped right off my body.
Rita Rudner
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No man is charming all of the time. Even Cary Grant is on record saying he wished he could be Cary Grant.
Rita Rudner
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Be careful of men who are bald and rich the arrogance of rich usually cancels out the nice of bald.
Rita Rudner
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Waiters and waitresses are becoming nicer and much more caring. I used to pay my check, they would say Thank you. That's now escalated into You care care of yourself, now. The other day I paid my check and the waiter said, Don't put off that mammogram.
Rita Rudner