Quote

I don't want to push the envelope. Let the envelope stay in the middle of the table. I'll just make you laugh.

Rita Rudner

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Rita Rudner
Age: 71
Born: 1953
Born: September 17
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Voice Actor
Miami
Florida
Laugh
Laughing
Stay
Middle
Envelope
Make
Envelopes
Push
Table
Tables

More quotes by Rita Rudner

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Men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage - they've experienced pain and bought jewelry.
Rita Rudner
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I get so happy when I write a joke. It's a very satisfying, liberating feeling.
Rita Rudner
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Not one man in a beer commercial has a beerbelly.
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Why are women wearing perfumes that smell like flowers to attract men? Men don't like flowers. I have a great idea for a scent that will attract men - how about New Car Interior?
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I love to write jokes and that's all I think about.
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Be careful of men who are bald and rich the arrogance of rich usually cancels out the nice of bald.
Rita Rudner
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Men accept compliments much better than women do. Example: Mitch, you look great. Mitch: Thanks. On the other side: Ruth, you look great. Ruth: I do? Must be the lighting.
Rita Rudner
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Individuality in dressing is not important to men. If they all look alike it means they haven't made a mistake.
Rita Rudner
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My mother is such a lousy cook that Thanksgiving at her house is a time of sorrow.
Rita Rudner
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I have been doing leg lifts faithfully for about fifteen years, and the only thing that has gotten thinner is the carpet where I have been doing the leg lifts.
Rita Rudner
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I adore being hitched. It's so extraordinary to discover one unique individual you need to irritate for whatever remains of your life.
Rita Rudner
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I suffer from peroxide phobia. Every time I've gotten near a blond woman, something of mine has disappeared. Jobs, boyfriends... one time an angora sweater leaped right off my body.
Rita Rudner
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Envy the kangaroo. That pouch setup is extraordinary the baby crawls out of the womb when it is about two inches long, gets into the pouch, and proceeds to mature. I'd have a baby if it would develop in my handbag.
Rita Rudner
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My parents were glad to see that my new husband looks like a 'regular guy'-no earring or anything. But really I think a man with an earring is better prepared for marriage. I mean, he's already experienced pain and bought jewelry.
Rita Rudner
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No man is charming all of the time. Even Cary Grant is on record saying he wished he could be Cary Grant.
Rita Rudner
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Before I met my husband, I'd never fallen in love. I'd stepped in it a few times.
Rita Rudner
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Someday I want to be rich. Some people get so rich they lose all respect for humanity. That's how rich I want to be.
Rita Rudner
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I never know what to get my father for his birthday. I gave him a hundred dollars and said, 'Buy yourself something that will make your life easier.' So he went out and bought a present for my mother.
Rita Rudner
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I hate learning through experience. Just once I'd like to learn something because someone was nice enough to tell me in advance.
Rita Rudner
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I don't think jogging is healthy, especially morning jogging. If morning joggers knew how tempting they looked to morning motorists, they would stay home and do sit-ups.
Rita Rudner