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I want to have children, but my friends scare me. One of my friends told me she was in labor for 36 hours. I don't even want to do anything that feels good for 36 hours.

Rita Rudner

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Rita Rudner
Age: 71
Born: 1953
Born: September 17
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Voice Actor
Miami
Florida
Anything
Parenting
Feels
Scare
Children
Witty
Even
Labor
Good
Told
Comedy
Hours
Friends

More quotes by Rita Rudner

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All men think that they're nice guys. Some of them are not. Contact me for a list of names.
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How come when you mix water and flour together you get glue...and then you add eggs and sugar and you get cake? Where does the glue go?
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I'll never understand why people go to movie theaters to have conversations. Going to the movies to talk is like going to a restaurant to cook. The idea is that you have paid your money to have someone do something better than you can do it yourself.
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Men don't mature. Marry a younger one.
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Men would like monogamy better if it sounded less like monotony.
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The way a man looks at himself in a mirror will tell you if he can ever care about anyone else.
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Someday I want to be rich. Some people get so rich they lose all respect for humanity. That's how rich I want to be.
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I get so happy when I write a joke. It's a very satisfying, liberating feeling.
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My new dress. Do you like it? It's from my favorite designer, On Sale.
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One of my first office jobs was cleaning the windows on brown envelopes.
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You know the oxygen masks on airplanes? I don't think there's really any oxygen. I think they're just to muffle the screams.
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All men look at Dr. Ruth and wonder how she has gained all that sexual experience.
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Men who listen to classical music tend not to spit.
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I suffer from peroxide phobia. Every time I've gotten near a blond woman, something of mine has disappeared. Jobs, boyfriends... one time an angora sweater leaped right off my body.
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I jogged for three miles once. It was the worst three hours of my life.
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Men are sensitive in strange ways. If a man has built a fire and the last log does not burn, he will take it personally.
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To attract men, I wear a perfume called 'New Car Interior.'
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I get a lot of return business. I think it's all those years I put in traveling around the country people saw me before and had a good time so they want to see me again.
Rita Rudner
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Men like to barbecue. Men will cook if danger is involved.
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I don't want to push the envelope. Let the envelope stay in the middle of the table. I'll just make you laugh.
Rita Rudner