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I want to have children, but my friends scare me. One of my friends told me she was in labor for 36 hours. I don't even want to do anything that feels good for 36 hours.

Rita Rudner

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Rita Rudner
Age: 71
Born: 1953
Born: September 17
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Voice Actor
Miami
Florida
Feels
Scare
Children
Witty
Even
Labor
Good
Told
Comedy
Hours
Friends
Anything
Parenting

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Not one man in a beer commercial has a beerbelly.
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A good place to meet a man is at the dry cleaner. These men usually have jobs and bathe.
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Men are sensitive in strange ways. If a man has built a fire and the last log does not burn, he will take it personally.
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Men don't mature. Marry a younger one.
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I never know what to get my father for his birthday. I gave him a hundred dollars and said, 'Buy yourself something that will make your life easier.' So he went out and bought a present for my mother.
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You know the oxygen masks on airplanes? I don't think there's really any oxygen. I think they're just to muffle the screams.
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After you've dated someone it should be legal to stamp them with what's wrong with them so the next person doesn't have to start from scratch.
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Thirty, I really like you but I still have to see other people.
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I love to write jokes and that's all I think about.
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Life is tough enough without having someone kick you from the inside.
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Most turkeys taste better the day after my mother's tasted better the day before.
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My grandmother was a very tough woman. She buried three husbands and two of them were just napping.
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Men do cry, but only when assembling furniture.
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All men think that they're nice guys. Some of them are not. Contact me for a list of names.
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You know it's love when you want to keep holding hands even after you're sweaty.
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I loved my mother very much, but she was not a good cook. Most turkeys taste better the day after my mother's tasted better the day before. In our house Thanksgiving was a time for sorrow.
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Envy the kangaroo. That pouch setup is extraordinary the baby crawls out of the womb when it is about two inches long, gets into the pouch, and proceeds to mature. I'd have a baby if it would develop in my handbag.
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I have too many credit cards. You know what happened? Someone stole one and I didn't notice. I noticed when I got that bill. Whoa! It was so much less! I'm letting him keep it. I'm saving money!
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If you like easygoing, monogamous men, stay away from billionaires.
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The word 'aerobics' came about when the gym instructors got together and said: If we're going to charge $10 an hour, we can't call it Jumping up and down.
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