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I want to have children, but my friends scare me. One of my friends told me she was in labor for 36 hours. I don't even want to do anything that feels good for 36 hours.

Rita Rudner

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Rita Rudner
Age: 71
Born: 1953
Born: September 17
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Voice Actor
Miami
Florida
Friends
Anything
Parenting
Feels
Scare
Children
Witty
Even
Labor
Good
Told
Comedy
Hours

More quotes by Rita Rudner

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Yes, I've now got this nice little apartment in New York, one of those L-shaped ones. Unfortunately, it's a lower case l.
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Someday I want to be rich. Some people get so rich they lose all respect for humanity. That's how rich I want to be.
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Men hate to lose. I once beat my husband at tennis. I asked him, Are we going to have sex again? He said, Yes, but not with each other.
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Men don't mature. Marry a younger one.
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A saleslady holds up an ugly dress and says, 'This looks much better on.' On what? On fire?
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Men do not like to admit to even momentary imperfection. My husband forgot the code to turn off the alarm. When the police came, he wouldn't admit he'd forgotten the code... he turned himself in.
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Be careful of men who are bald and rich the arrogance of rich usually cancels out the nice of bald.
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I read recipes the same way I read science fiction. I get to the end and say to myself well, that's not going to happen
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Most women are introspective: Am I in love? Am I emotionally and creatively fulfilled? Most men are outrospective: Did my team win? How's my car?
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I don't like when there's too much conversation because I'm shy and it makes me uncomfortable.
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Men who are going bald often wear baseball caps.
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My parents were glad to see that my new husband looks like a 'regular guy'-no earring or anything. But really I think a man with an earring is better prepared for marriage. I mean, he's already experienced pain and bought jewelry.
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My new dress. Do you like it? It's from my favorite designer, On Sale.
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Men reach their sexual peak at eighteen. Women reach theirs at thirty-five. Do you get the feeling that God is playing a practical joke?
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Wives are people who think it's against the law not to answer the phone when it rings.
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I hate learning through experience. Just once I'd like to learn something because someone was nice enough to tell me in advance.
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Men do cry, but only when assembling furniture.
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When a woman tries on clothing from her closet that feels tight, she will assume she has gained weight. When a man tries something from his closet that feels tight, he will assume the clothing has shrunk.
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The time you spend grieving over a man should never exceed the amount of time you actually spent with him
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I burned sixty calories. That should take care of a peanut I had in 1962.
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