Quote

I want to have children, but my friends scare me. One of my friends told me she was in labor for 36 hours. I don't even want to do anything that feels good for 36 hours.

Rita Rudner

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Rita Rudner
Age: 71
Born: 1953
Born: September 17
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Voice Actor
Miami
Florida
Good
Told
Comedy
Hours
Friends
Anything
Parenting
Feels
Scare
Children
Witty
Even
Labor

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My boyfriend and I broke up. He wanted to get married and I didn't want him to.
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I get so happy when I write a joke. It's a very satisfying, liberating feeling.
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Men who consistently leave the toilet seat up secretly want women to get up to go the bathroom in the middle of the night and fall in.
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Neurotics build castles in the air, psychotics live in them. My mother cleans them.
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One of my first office jobs was cleaning the windows on brown envelopes.
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I never know what to get my father for his birthday. I gave him a hundred dollars and said, 'Buy yourself something that will make your life easier.' So he went out and bought a present for my mother.
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Halloween was confusing. All my life my parents said, Never take candy from strangers. And then they dressed me up and said, Go beg for it. I didn't know what to do. I'd knock on people's doors and go, Trick or treat.
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I suffer from peroxide phobia. Every time I've gotten near a blond woman, something of mine has disappeared. Jobs, boyfriends... one time an angora sweater leaped right off my body.
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Men don't live well by themselves. They don't even live like people. They live like bears with furniture.
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Men would like monogamy better if it sounded less like monotony.
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To attract men, I wear a perfume called 'New Car Interior.'
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Men are self-confident because they grow up identifying with super-heroes. Women have bad self-images because they grow up identifying with Barbie.
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It takes six months to get into shape and two weeks to get out of shape. Once you know this you can stop being angry about other things in life and only be angry about this.
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I read recipes the same way I read science fiction. I get to the end and say to myself well, that's not going to happen
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I had the most boring office job in the world...I used to clean the windows on envelopes.
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I loved my mother very much, but she was not a good cook. Most turkeys taste better the day after my mother's tasted better the day before. In our house Thanksgiving was a time for sorrow.
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I love to shop after a bad relationship. I don't know. I buy a new outfit and it makes me feel better. It just does. Sometimes I see a really great outfit, I'll break up with someone on purpose.
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Wives are people who think it's against the law not to answer the phone when it rings.
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Be careful of men who are bald and rich the arrogance of rich usually cancels out the nice of bald.
Rita Rudner