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I want to have children, but my friends scare me. One of my friends told me she was in labor for 36 hours. I don't even want to do anything that feels good for 36 hours.

Rita Rudner

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Rita Rudner
Age: 71
Born: 1953
Born: September 17
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Voice Actor
Miami
Florida
Even
Labor
Good
Told
Comedy
Hours
Friends
Anything
Parenting
Feels
Scare
Children
Witty

More quotes by Rita Rudner

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I have too many credit cards. You know what happened? Someone stole one and I didn't notice. I noticed when I got that bill. Whoa! It was so much less! I'm letting him keep it. I'm saving money!
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My Vegas act is how I make my money.
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To attract men, I wear a perfume called 'New Car Interior.'
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I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult.
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I hate learning through experience. Just once I'd like to learn something because someone was nice enough to tell me in advance.
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Men don't mature. Marry a younger one.
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Men who are going bald often wear baseball caps.
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Men hate to lose. I once beat my husband at tennis. I asked him, Are we going to have sex again? He said, Yes, but not with each other.
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Neurotics build castles in the air, psychotics live in them. My mother cleans them.
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If your husband has difficulty getting to sleep, the words 'we need to talk about our relationship' may help.
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My boyfriend and I broke up. He wanted to get married and I didn't want him to.
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Men who listen to classical music tend not to spit.
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Not one man in a beer commercial has a beerbelly.
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Men are sensitive in strange ways. If a man has built a fire and the last log does not burn, he will take it personally.
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I burned sixty calories. That should take care of a peanut I had in 1962.
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Most turkeys taste better the day after my mother's tasted better the day before.
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I adore being hitched. It's so extraordinary to discover one unique individual you need to irritate for whatever remains of your life.
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Most women are introspective: Am I in love? Am I emotionally and creatively fulfilled? Most men are outrospective: Did my team win? How's my car?
Rita Rudner
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I never know what to get my father for his birthday. I gave him a hundred dollars and said, 'Buy yourself something that will make your life easier.' So he went out and bought a present for my mother.
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Men reach their sexual peak at eighteen. Women reach theirs at thirty-five. Do you get the feeling that God is playing a practical joke?
Rita Rudner