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I don't like when there's too much conversation because I'm shy and it makes me uncomfortable.

Rita Rudner

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Rita Rudner
Age: 71
Born: 1953
Born: September 17
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Voice Actor
Miami
Florida
Makes
Much
Like
Shy
Uncomfortable
Conversation

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Halloween was confusing. All my life my parents said, Never take candy from strangers. And then they dressed me up and said, Go beg for it. I didn't know what to do. I'd knock on people's doors and go, Trick or treat.
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Men reach their sexual peak at eighteen. Women reach theirs at thirty-five. Do you get the feeling that God is playing a practical joke?
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I love to shop after a bad relationship. I don't know. I buy a new outfit and it makes me feel better. It just does. Sometimes I see a really great outfit, I'll break up with someone on purpose.
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Men hate to lose. I once beat my husband at tennis. I asked him, Are we going to have sex again? He said, Yes, but not with each other.
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Never take candy from strangers.
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Someday I want to be rich. Some people get so rich they lose all respect for humanity. That's how rich I want to be.
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I had the most boring office job in the world...I used to clean the windows on envelopes.
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I burned sixty calories. That should take care of a peanut I had in 1962.
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Men do cry, but only when assembling furniture.
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A good place to meet a man is at the dry cleaner. These men usually have jobs and bathe.
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You know the oxygen masks on airplanes? I don't think there's really any oxygen. I think they're just to muffle the screams.
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The way a man looks at himself in a mirror will tell you if he can ever care about anyone else.
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If I say a joke and the audience laughs it makes me feel good.
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My grandmother was a very tough woman. She buried three husbands and two of them were just napping.
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Some women hold up dresses that are so ugly and they always say the same thing: 'This looks much better on.' On what? On fire?
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Only men who have worn a ski suit understand how complicated it is for a woman to go to the bathroom when she's wearing a jumpsuit.
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I have been doing leg lifts faithfully for about fifteen years, and the only thing that has gotten thinner is the carpet where I have been doing the leg lifts.
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My cousin just got married for the totally wrong reasons. She married a man for money. She wasn't real subtle about it. Instead of calling him her fiancé, she kept calling him her financee.
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If your husband has difficulty getting to sleep, the words 'we need to talk about our relationship' may help.
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Most turkeys taste better the day after my mother's tasted better the day before.
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