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Men who consistently leave the toilet seat up secretly want women to get up to go the bathroom in the middle of the night and fall in.

Rita Rudner

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Rita Rudner
Age: 71
Born: 1953
Born: September 17
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Voice Actor
Miami
Florida
Men
Humor
Leave
Toilet
Comedy
Secretly
Middle
Toilets
Funny
Bathroom
Fall
Seat
Night
Consistently
Women
Seats

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Envy the kangaroo. That pouch setup is extraordinary the baby crawls out of the womb when it is about two inches long, gets into the pouch, and proceeds to mature. I'd have a baby if it would develop in my handbag.
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There are different kinds of humor, some is sarcastic, some introspective. Introspective fit my personality better.
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I love to write jokes and that's all I think about.
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Yes, I've now got this nice little apartment in New York, one of those L-shaped ones. Unfortunately, it's a lower case l.
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Men who listen to classical music tend not to spit.
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I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult.
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Life is tough enough without having someone kick you from the inside.
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Men have an easier time buying bathing suits. Women have two types: depressing and more depressing. Men have two types: nerdy and not nerdy.
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If your husband has difficulty getting to sleep, the words 'we need to talk about our relationship' may help.
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After you've dated someone it should be legal to stamp them with what's wrong with them so the next person doesn't have to start from scratch.
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Halloween was confusing. All my life my parents said, Never take candy from strangers. And then they dressed me up and said, Go beg for it. I didn't know what to do. I'd knock on people's doors and go, Trick or treat.
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I don't look back. I'm like a shark - I only look forward.
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Men hate to lose. I once beat my husband at tennis. I asked him, Are we going to have sex again? He said, Yes, but not with each other.
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I get a lot of return business. I think it's all those years I put in traveling around the country people saw me before and had a good time so they want to see me again.
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If you like easygoing, monogamous men, stay away from billionaires.
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Be careful of men who are bald and rich the arrogance of rich usually cancels out the nice of bald.
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You know it's love when you want to keep holding hands even after you're sweaty.
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A good place to meet a man is at the dry cleaner. These men usually have jobs and bathe.
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Men don't feel the urge to get married as quickly as women do because their clothes all button and zip in the front. Women's dresses usually button and zip in the back. We need men emotionally and sexually, but we also need men to help us get dressed.
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I loved my mother very much, but she was not a good cook. Most turkeys taste better the day after my mother's tasted better the day before. In our house Thanksgiving was a time for sorrow.
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