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Men who consistently leave the toilet seat up secretly want women to get up to go the bathroom in the middle of the night and fall in.
Rita Rudner
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Rita Rudner
Age: 71
Born: 1953
Born: September 17
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Voice Actor
Miami
Florida
Comedy
Secretly
Middle
Toilets
Funny
Bathroom
Fall
Seat
Night
Consistently
Women
Seats
Men
Humor
Leave
Toilet
More quotes by Rita Rudner
I don't want to push the envelope. Let the envelope stay in the middle of the table. I'll just make you laugh.
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Men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage - they've experienced pain and bought jewelry.
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Men accept compliments much better than women do. Example: Mitch, you look great. Mitch: Thanks. On the other side: Ruth, you look great. Ruth: I do? Must be the lighting.
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I burned sixty calories. That should take care of a peanut I had in 1962.
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I read recipes the same way I read science fiction. I get to the end and say to myself well, that's not going to happen
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Men own basketball teams. Every year cheerleaders' outfits get tighter and briefer, and players' shorts get baggier and longer.
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Men are sensitive in strange ways. If a man has built a fire and the last log does not burn, he will take it personally.
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My father was never very friendly. When I was growing up, I thought the doorbell ringing was a signal to pretend you weren't home.
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It takes six months to get into shape and two weeks to get out of shape. Once you know this you can stop being angry about other things in life and only be angry about this.
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A saleslady holds up an ugly dress and says, 'This looks much better on.' On what? On fire?
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I don't like when there's too much conversation because I'm shy and it makes me uncomfortable.
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I had the most boring office job in the world...I used to clean the windows on envelopes.
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I want to have young children although my mother and father are even now young sufficient to just take care of them.
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After you've dated someone it should be legal to stamp them with what's wrong with them so the next person doesn't have to start from scratch.
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My cousin just got married for the totally wrong reasons. She married a man for money. She wasn't real subtle about it. Instead of calling him her fiancé, she kept calling him her financee.
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We've begun to long for the pitter-patter of little feet - so we bought a dog. Well, it's cheaper, and you get more feet.
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Men are self-confident because they grow up identifying with super-heroes. Women have bad self-images because they grow up identifying with Barbie.
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Men who are going bald often wear baseball caps.
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Men like phones with lots of buttons. It makes them feel important.
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When I eventually met Mr. Right I had no idea that his first name was Always.
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