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Men who consistently leave the toilet seat up secretly want women to get up to go the bathroom in the middle of the night and fall in.

Rita Rudner

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Rita Rudner
Age: 71
Born: 1953
Born: September 17
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Voice Actor
Miami
Florida
Middle
Toilets
Funny
Bathroom
Fall
Seat
Night
Consistently
Women
Seats
Men
Humor
Leave
Toilet
Comedy
Secretly

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Men don't live well by themselves. They don't even live like people. They live like bears with furniture.
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When a woman tries on clothing from her closet that feels tight, she will assume she has gained weight. When a man tries something from his closet that feels tight, he will assume the clothing has shrunk.
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I jogged for three miles once. It was the worst three hours of my life.
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I have been doing leg lifts faithfully for about fifteen years, and the only thing that has gotten thinner is the carpet where I have been doing the leg lifts.
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I love to shop after a bad relationship. I don't know. I buy a new outfit and it makes me feel better. It just does. Sometimes I see a really great outfit, I'll break up with someone on purpose.
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All men think that they're nice guys. Some of them are not. Contact me for a list of names.
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I don't like when there's too much conversation because I'm shy and it makes me uncomfortable.
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Not one man in a beer commercial has a beerbelly.
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I was a ballerina. I had to quit after I injured a groin muscle. It wasn't mine.
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Men do not like to admit to even momentary imperfection. My husband forgot the code to turn off the alarm. When the police came, he wouldn't admit he'd forgotten the code... he turned himself in.
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Men who are going bald often wear baseball caps.
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My mother is such a lousy cook that Thanksgiving at her house is a time of sorrow.
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Before I met my husband, I'd never fallen in love. I'd stepped in it a few times.
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Halloween was confusing. All my life my parents said, Never take candy from strangers. And then they dressed me up and said, Go beg for it. I didn't know what to do. I'd knock on people's doors and go, Trick or treat.
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Women take clothing much more seriously than men. I've never seen a man walk into a party and say Oh, my God, I'm so embarrassed get me out of here. There's another man wearing a black tuxedo.
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Men do cry, but only when assembling furniture.
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Most turkeys taste better the day after my mother's tasted better the day before.
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My parents were glad to see that my new husband looks like a 'regular guy'-no earring or anything. But really I think a man with an earring is better prepared for marriage. I mean, he's already experienced pain and bought jewelry.
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Only men who have worn a ski suit understand how complicated it is for a woman to go to the bathroom when she's wearing a jumpsuit.
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