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Men who consistently leave the toilet seat up secretly want women to get up to go the bathroom in the middle of the night and fall in.

Rita Rudner

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Rita Rudner
Age: 71
Born: 1953
Born: September 17
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Voice Actor
Miami
Florida
Fall
Seat
Night
Consistently
Women
Seats
Men
Humor
Leave
Toilet
Comedy
Secretly
Middle
Toilets
Funny
Bathroom

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An amicable divorce is like a ventilated condom it just doesn't work.
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I burned sixty calories. That should take care of a peanut I had in 1962.
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Before I met my husband, I'd never fallen in love. I'd stepped in it a few times.
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After you've dated someone it should be legal to stamp them with what's wrong with them so the next person doesn't have to start from scratch.
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I want to have young children although my mother and father are even now young sufficient to just take care of them.
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I don't look back. I'm like a shark - I only look forward.
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My boyfriend and I broke up. He wanted to get married and I didn't want him to.
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My mother is such a lousy cook that Thanksgiving at her house is a time of sorrow.
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I never know what to get my father for his birthday. I gave him a hundred dollars and said, 'Buy yourself something that will make your life easier.' So he went out and bought a present for my mother.
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Yes, I've now got this nice little apartment in New York, one of those L-shaped ones. Unfortunately, it's a lower case l.
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No man is charming all of the time. Even Cary Grant is on record saying he wished he could be Cary Grant.
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I love to write jokes and that's all I think about.
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When a woman tries on clothing from her closet that feels tight, she will assume she has gained weight. When a man tries something from his closet that feels tight, he will assume the clothing has shrunk.
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All men look at Dr. Ruth and wonder how she has gained all that sexual experience.
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Only men who have worn a ski suit understand how complicated it is for a woman to go to the bathroom when she's wearing a jumpsuit.
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Waiters and waitresses are becoming nicer and much more caring. I used to pay my check, they would say Thank you. That's now escalated into You care care of yourself, now. The other day I paid my check and the waiter said, Don't put off that mammogram.
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I loved my mother very much, but she was not a good cook. Most turkeys taste better the day after my mother's tasted better the day before. In our house Thanksgiving was a time for sorrow.
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I had the most boring office job in the world...I used to clean the windows on envelopes.
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