Quote

Men who consistently leave the toilet seat up secretly want women to get up to go the bathroom in the middle of the night and fall in.

Rita Rudner

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Rita Rudner
Age: 71
Born: 1953
Born: September 17
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Voice Actor
Miami
Florida
Middle
Toilets
Funny
Bathroom
Fall
Seat
Night
Consistently
Women
Seats
Men
Humor
Leave
Toilet
Comedy
Secretly

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How come when you mix water and flour together you get glue...and then you add eggs and sugar and you get cake? Where does the glue go?
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I want to have young children although my mother and father are even now young sufficient to just take care of them.
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I work for myself, which is fun. Except when I call in sick, I know I'm lying.
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Men are sensitive in strange ways. If a man has built a fire and the last log does not burn, he will take it personally.
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I never know what to get my father for his birthday. I gave him a hundred dollars and said, 'Buy yourself something that will make your life easier.' So he went out and bought a present for my mother.
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My Vegas act is how I make my money.
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The time you spend grieving over a man should never exceed the amount of time you actually spent with him
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I don't want to push the envelope. Let the envelope stay in the middle of the table. I'll just make you laugh.
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Los Angeles is a very transient town. It's the only place I know where you can actually rent a dog.
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Men do not like to admit to even momentary imperfection. My husband forgot the code to turn off the alarm. When the police came, he wouldn't admit he'd forgotten the code... he turned himself in.
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I'll never understand why people go to movie theaters to have conversations. Going to the movies to talk is like going to a restaurant to cook. The idea is that you have paid your money to have someone do something better than you can do it yourself.
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I don't like when there's too much conversation because I'm shy and it makes me uncomfortable.
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An amicable divorce is like a ventilated condom it just doesn't work.
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When a woman tries on clothing from her closet that feels tight, she will assume she has gained weight. When a man tries something from his closet that feels tight, he will assume the clothing has shrunk.
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I get so happy when I write a joke. It's a very satisfying, liberating feeling.
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I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult.
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The way a man looks at himself in a mirror will tell you if he can ever care about anyone else.
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Halloween was confusing. All my life my parents said, Never take candy from strangers. And then they dressed me up and said, Go beg for it. I didn't know what to do. I'd knock on people's doors and go, Trick or treat.
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Women take clothing much more seriously than men. I've never seen a man walk into a party and say Oh, my God, I'm so embarrassed get me out of here. There's another man wearing a black tuxedo.
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