Quote

Men reach their sexual peak at eighteen. Women reach theirs at thirty-five. Do you get the feeling that God is playing a practical joke?

Rita Rudner

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Rita Rudner
Age: 71
Born: 1953
Born: September 17
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Voice Actor
Miami
Florida
Life
Playing
Joke
Feeling
Sexual
Five
Humorous
Funny
Thirty
Feelings
Romance
Peak
Women
Jokes
Eighteen
Men
Reach
Practicals
Love
Sex
Practical

More quotes by Rita Rudner

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How come when you mix water and flour together you get glue...and then you add eggs and sugar and you get cake? Where does the glue go?
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If your husband has difficulty getting to sleep, the words 'we need to talk about our relationship' may help.
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Men don't live well by themselves. They don't even live like people. They live like bears with furniture.
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Men are self-confident because they grow up identifying with super-heroes. Women have bad self-images because they grow up identifying with Barbie.
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Men like to barbecue. Men will cook if danger is involved.
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When a woman tries on clothing from her closet that feels tight, she will assume she has gained weight. When a man tries something from his closet that feels tight, he will assume the clothing has shrunk.
Rita Rudner
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I just don't get cats. To me, they're a waste of fur.
Rita Rudner
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I was a ballerina. I had to quit after I injured a groin muscle. It wasn't mine.
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Men don't feel the urge to get married as quickly as women do because their clothes all button and zip in the front. Women's dresses usually button and zip in the back. We need men emotionally and sexually, but we also need men to help us get dressed.
Rita Rudner
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I'll never understand why people go to movie theaters to have conversations. Going to the movies to talk is like going to a restaurant to cook. The idea is that you have paid your money to have someone do something better than you can do it yourself.
Rita Rudner
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Halloween was confusing. All my life my parents said, Never take candy from strangers. And then they dressed me up and said, Go beg for it. I didn't know what to do. I'd knock on people's doors and go, Trick or treat.
Rita Rudner
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Some women hold up dresses that are so ugly and they always say the same thing: 'This looks much better on.' On what? On fire?
Rita Rudner
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Only men who have worn a ski suit understand how complicated it is for a woman to go to the bathroom when she's wearing a jumpsuit.
Rita Rudner
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Not one man in a beer commercial has a beerbelly.
Rita Rudner
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I want to have young children although my mother and father are even now young sufficient to just take care of them.
Rita Rudner
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I loved my mother very much, but she was not a good cook. Most turkeys taste better the day after my mother's tasted better the day before. In our house Thanksgiving was a time for sorrow.
Rita Rudner
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Waiters and waitresses are becoming nicer and much more caring. I used to pay my check, they would say Thank you. That's now escalated into You care care of yourself, now. The other day I paid my check and the waiter said, Don't put off that mammogram.
Rita Rudner
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Men who consistently leave the toilet seat up secretly want women to get up to go the bathroom in the middle of the night and fall in.
Rita Rudner
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Men who listen to classical music tend not to spit.
Rita Rudner
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After you've dated someone it should be legal to stamp them with what's wrong with them so the next person doesn't have to start from scratch.
Rita Rudner