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Men reach their sexual peak at eighteen. Women reach theirs at thirty-five. Do you get the feeling that God is playing a practical joke?
Rita Rudner
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Rita Rudner
Age: 71
Born: 1953
Born: September 17
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Voice Actor
Miami
Florida
Love
Sex
Practical
Life
Playing
Joke
Feeling
Sexual
Five
Humorous
Funny
Thirty
Feelings
Romance
Peak
Women
Jokes
Eighteen
Men
Reach
Practicals
More quotes by Rita Rudner
Men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage - they've experienced pain and bought jewelry.
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I want to have young children although my mother and father are even now young sufficient to just take care of them.
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I don't think jogging is healthy, especially morning jogging. If morning joggers knew how tempting they looked to morning motorists, they would stay home and do sit-ups.
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Men would like monogamy better if it sounded less like monotony.
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Men don't mature. Marry a younger one.
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Men who listen to classical music tend not to spit.
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A saleslady holds up an ugly dress and says, 'This looks much better on.' On what? On fire?
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When you're a dancer, you start with the basics. You don't all of a sudden do a grand jete and pirouette. You start with first position, second, third.
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I was a ballerina. I had to quit after I injured a groin muscle. It wasn't mine.
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I know I want to have children while my parents are still young enough to take care of them.
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One of my first office jobs was cleaning the windows on brown envelopes.
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I get a lot of return business. I think it's all those years I put in traveling around the country people saw me before and had a good time so they want to see me again.
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I love to write jokes and that's all I think about.
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To attract men, I wear a perfume called 'New Car Interior.'
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I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult.
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Someday I want to be rich. Some people get so rich they lose all respect for humanity. That's how rich I want to be.
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I loved my mother very much, but she was not a good cook. Most turkeys taste better the day after my mother's tasted better the day before. In our house Thanksgiving was a time for sorrow.
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Going out to eat is expensive. I was out at one restaurant and they didn't have prices on the menu. Just faces with different expressions of horror.
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Yes, I've now got this nice little apartment in New York, one of those L-shaped ones. Unfortunately, it's a lower case l.
Rita Rudner
If you like easygoing, monogamous men, stay away from billionaires.
Rita Rudner