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Someday I want to be rich. Some people get so rich they lose all respect for humanity. That's how rich I want to be.
Rita Rudner
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Rita Rudner
Age: 71
Born: 1953
Born: September 17
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Voice Actor
Miami
Florida
Humanity
Inspiring
Rich
Dignity
Funny
Humor
Money
Wealth
People
Stupid
Savings
Lose
Someday
Respect
Saving
Loses
Investment
More quotes by Rita Rudner
I get so happy when I write a joke. It's a very satisfying, liberating feeling.
Rita Rudner
Men who consistently leave the toilet seat up secretly want women to get up to go the bathroom in the middle of the night and fall in.
Rita Rudner
Men who are going bald often wear baseball caps.
Rita Rudner
Men are self-confident because they grow up identifying with super-heroes. Women have bad self-images because they grow up identifying with Barbie.
Rita Rudner
How come when you mix water and flour together you get glue...and then you add eggs and sugar and you get cake? Where does the glue go?
Rita Rudner
Women take clothing much more seriously than men. I've never seen a man walk into a party and say Oh, my God, I'm so embarrassed get me out of here. There's another man wearing a black tuxedo.
Rita Rudner
Men reach their sexual peak at eighteen. Women reach theirs at thirty-five. Do you get the feeling that God is playing a practical joke?
Rita Rudner
If I say a joke and the audience laughs it makes me feel good.
Rita Rudner
Wives are people who think it's against the law not to answer the phone when it rings.
Rita Rudner
You know it's love when you want to keep holding hands even after you're sweaty.
Rita Rudner
I was a ballerina. I had to quit after I injured a groin muscle. It wasn't mine.
Rita Rudner
I don't want to push the envelope. Let the envelope stay in the middle of the table. I'll just make you laugh.
Rita Rudner
Most turkeys taste better the day after my mother's tasted better the day before.
Rita Rudner
There are different kinds of humor, some is sarcastic, some introspective. Introspective fit my personality better.
Rita Rudner
I burned sixty calories. That should take care of a peanut I had in 1962.
Rita Rudner
A saleslady holds up an ugly dress and says, 'This looks much better on.' On what? On fire?
Rita Rudner
Before I met my husband, I'd never fallen in love. I'd stepped in it a few times.
Rita Rudner
All men think that they're nice guys. Some of them are not. Contact me for a list of names.
Rita Rudner
I read recipes the same way I read science fiction. I get to the end and say to myself well, that's not going to happen
Rita Rudner
It takes six months to get into shape and two weeks to get out of shape. Once you know this you can stop being angry about other things in life and only be angry about this.
Rita Rudner
