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I had no desire to be a stand-up comic until I decided to do it.

Rita Rudner

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Rita Rudner
Age: 71
Born: 1953
Born: September 17
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Voice Actor
Miami
Florida
Stand
Desire
Comic
Decided

More quotes by Rita Rudner

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I want to have children, but my friends scare me. One of my friends told me she was in labor for 36 hours. I don't even want to do anything that feels good for 36 hours.
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Women take clothing much more seriously than men. I've never seen a man walk into a party and say Oh, my God, I'm so embarrassed get me out of here. There's another man wearing a black tuxedo.
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I get so happy when I write a joke. It's a very satisfying, liberating feeling.
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Only men who have worn a ski suit understand how complicated it is for a woman to go to the bathroom when she's wearing a jumpsuit.
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Wives are people who think it's against the law not to answer the phone when it rings.
Rita Rudner
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I don't look back. I'm like a shark - I only look forward.
Rita Rudner
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When you're a dancer, you start with the basics. You don't all of a sudden do a grand jete and pirouette. You start with first position, second, third.
Rita Rudner
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Before I met my husband, I'd never fallen in love. I'd stepped in it a few times.
Rita Rudner
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When a woman tries on clothing from her closet that feels tight, she will assume she has gained weight. When a man tries something from his closet that feels tight, he will assume the clothing has shrunk.
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To attract men, I wear a perfume called 'New Car Interior.'
Rita Rudner
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I get a lot of return business. I think it's all those years I put in traveling around the country people saw me before and had a good time so they want to see me again.
Rita Rudner
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Men are sensitive in strange ways. If a man has built a fire and the last log does not burn, he will take it personally.
Rita Rudner
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Men don't live well by themselves. They don't even live like people. They live like bears with furniture.
Rita Rudner
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The word 'aerobics' came about when the gym instructors got together and said: If we're going to charge $10 an hour, we can't call it Jumping up and down.
Rita Rudner
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I read recipes the same way I read science fiction. I get to the end and say to myself well, that's not going to happen
Rita Rudner
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Los Angeles is a very transient town. It's the only place I know where you can actually rent a dog.
Rita Rudner
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I had the most boring office job in the world...I used to clean the windows on envelopes.
Rita Rudner
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I have been doing leg lifts faithfully for about fifteen years, and the only thing that has gotten thinner is the carpet where I have been doing the leg lifts.
Rita Rudner
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All men look at Dr. Ruth and wonder how she has gained all that sexual experience.
Rita Rudner
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Individuality in dressing is not important to men. If they all look alike it means they haven't made a mistake.
Rita Rudner