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We've begun to long for the pitter-patter of little feet - so we bought a dog. Well, it's cheaper, and you get more feet.
Rita Rudner
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Rita Rudner
Age: 71
Born: 1953
Born: September 17
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Voice Actor
Miami
Florida
Patter
Little
Wells
Cheaper
Well
Begun
Long
Pet
Bought
Dog
Feet
Littles
More quotes by Rita Rudner
Men own basketball teams. Every year cheerleaders' outfits get tighter and briefer, and players' shorts get baggier and longer.
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Men have higher body temperatures than women. If your heating goes out in winter, I recommend sleeping next to a man. Men are like portable heaters that snore.
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Individuality in dressing is not important to men. If they all look alike it means they haven't made a mistake.
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My father watched football with the sound off because he lived in fear of hearing the voice of Howard Cosell.
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I want to have children, but my friends scare me. One of my friends told me she was in labor for 36 hours. I don't even want to do anything that feels good for 36 hours.
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When a woman tries on clothing from her closet that feels tight, she will assume she has gained weight. When a man tries something from his closet that feels tight, he will assume the clothing has shrunk.
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I don't like when there's too much conversation because I'm shy and it makes me uncomfortable.
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I work for myself, which is fun. Except when I call in sick, I know I'm lying.
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A good place to meet a man is at the dry cleaner. These men usually have jobs and bathe.
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I have too many credit cards. You know what happened? Someone stole one and I didn't notice. I noticed when I got that bill. Whoa! It was so much less! I'm letting him keep it. I'm saving money!
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You know it's love when you want to keep holding hands even after you're sweaty.
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Men would like monogamy better if it sounded less like monotony.
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I was a ballerina. I had to quit after I injured a groin muscle. It wasn't mine.
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Men hate to lose. I once beat my husband at tennis. I asked him, Are we going to have sex again? He said, Yes, but not with each other.
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Men do not like to admit to even momentary imperfection. My husband forgot the code to turn off the alarm. When the police came, he wouldn't admit he'd forgotten the code... he turned himself in.
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The way a man looks at himself in a mirror will tell you if he can ever care about anyone else.
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Thirty, I really like you but I still have to see other people.
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If your husband has difficulty getting to sleep, the words 'we need to talk about our relationship' may help.
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I burned sixty calories. That should take care of a peanut I had in 1962.
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Wives are people who think it's against the law not to answer the phone when it rings.
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