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We've begun to long for the pitter-patter of little feet - so we bought a dog. Well, it's cheaper, and you get more feet.
Rita Rudner
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Rita Rudner
Age: 71
Born: 1953
Born: September 17
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Voice Actor
Miami
Florida
Little
Patter
Wells
Cheaper
Well
Begun
Long
Pet
Bought
Dog
Feet
Littles
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I love to write jokes and that's all I think about.
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I get so happy when I write a joke. It's a very satisfying, liberating feeling.
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A saleslady holds up an ugly dress and says, 'This looks much better on.' On what? On fire?
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To attract men, I wear a perfume called 'New Car Interior.'
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Men do cry, but only when assembling furniture.
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When I eventually met Mr. Right I had no idea that his first name was Always.
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I don't think jogging is healthy, especially morning jogging. If morning joggers knew how tempting they looked to morning motorists, they would stay home and do sit-ups.
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All men think that they're nice guys. Some of them are not. Contact me for a list of names.
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My husband gave me a necklace. It's fake. I requested fake. Maybe I'm paranoid, but in this day and age, I don't want something around my neck that's worth more than my head.
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The time you spend grieving over a man should never exceed the amount of time you actually spent with him
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The word 'aerobics' came about when the gym instructors got together and said: If we're going to charge $10 an hour, we can't call it Jumping up and down.
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An amicable divorce is like a ventilated condom it just doesn't work.
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I want to have young children although my mother and father are even now young sufficient to just take care of them.
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Waiters and waitresses are becoming nicer and much more caring. I used to pay my check, they would say Thank you. That's now escalated into You care care of yourself, now. The other day I paid my check and the waiter said, Don't put off that mammogram.
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I love to shop after a bad relationship. I don't know. I buy a new outfit and it makes me feel better. It just does. Sometimes I see a really great outfit, I'll break up with someone on purpose.
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Women take clothing much more seriously than men. I've never seen a man walk into a party and say Oh, my God, I'm so embarrassed get me out of here. There's another man wearing a black tuxedo.
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