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We've begun to long for the pitter-patter of little feet - so we bought a dog. Well, it's cheaper, and you get more feet.
Rita Rudner
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Rita Rudner
Age: 71
Born: 1953
Born: September 17
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Voice Actor
Miami
Florida
Little
Patter
Wells
Cheaper
Well
Begun
Long
Pet
Bought
Dog
Feet
Littles
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Men have an easier time buying bathing suits. Women have two types: depressing and more depressing. Men have two types: nerdy and not nerdy.
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If your husband has difficulty getting to sleep, the words 'we need to talk about our relationship' may help.
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All men look at Dr. Ruth and wonder how she has gained all that sexual experience.
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I get so happy when I write a joke. It's a very satisfying, liberating feeling.
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Men would like monogamy better if it sounded less like monotony.
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I had the most boring office job in the world...I used to clean the windows on envelopes.
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Men who are going bald often wear baseball caps.
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I have too many credit cards. You know what happened? Someone stole one and I didn't notice. I noticed when I got that bill. Whoa! It was so much less! I'm letting him keep it. I'm saving money!
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I don't want to push the envelope. Let the envelope stay in the middle of the table. I'll just make you laugh.
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Be careful of men who are bald and rich the arrogance of rich usually cancels out the nice of bald.
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An amicable divorce is like a ventilated condom it just doesn't work.
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I'll never understand why people go to movie theaters to have conversations. Going to the movies to talk is like going to a restaurant to cook. The idea is that you have paid your money to have someone do something better than you can do it yourself.
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Men own basketball teams. Every year cheerleaders' outfits get tighter and briefer, and players' shorts get baggier and longer.
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I don't like when there's too much conversation because I'm shy and it makes me uncomfortable.
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My mother is such a lousy cook that Thanksgiving at her house is a time of sorrow.
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Individuality in dressing is not important to men. If they all look alike it means they haven't made a mistake.
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Why are women wearing perfumes that smell like flowers to attract men? Men don't like flowers. I have a great idea for a scent that will attract men - how about New Car Interior?
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