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My grandmother was a very tough woman. She buried three husbands and two of them were just napping.

Rita Rudner

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Rita Rudner
Age: 71
Born: 1953
Born: September 17
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Voice Actor
Miami
Florida
Napping
Death
Naps
Three
Husbands
Two
Buried
Grandmother
Tough
Husband
Woman

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I read recipes the same way I read science fiction. I get to the end and say to myself well, that's not going to happen
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Men don't live well by themselves. They don't even live like people. They live like bears with furniture.
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Men who listen to classical music tend not to spit.
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When I eventually met Mr. Right I had no idea that his first name was Always.
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Men don't feel the urge to get married as quickly as women do because their clothes all button and zip in the front. Women's dresses usually button and zip in the back. We need men emotionally and sexually, but we also need men to help us get dressed.
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Halloween was confusing. All my life my parents said, Never take candy from strangers. And then they dressed me up and said, Go beg for it. I didn't know what to do. I'd knock on people's doors and go, Trick or treat.
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Los Angeles is a very transient town. It's the only place I know where you can actually rent a dog.
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When you're a dancer, you start with the basics. You don't all of a sudden do a grand jete and pirouette. You start with first position, second, third.
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I have too many credit cards. You know what happened? Someone stole one and I didn't notice. I noticed when I got that bill. Whoa! It was so much less! I'm letting him keep it. I'm saving money!
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My Vegas act is how I make my money.
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Individuality in dressing is not important to men. If they all look alike it means they haven't made a mistake.
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I burned sixty calories. That should take care of a peanut I had in 1962.
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My father was never very friendly. When I was growing up, I thought the doorbell ringing was a signal to pretend you weren't home.
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My new dress. Do you like it? It's from my favorite designer, On Sale.
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Men like to barbecue. Men will cook if danger is involved.
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I had no desire to be a stand-up comic until I decided to do it.
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A saleslady holds up an ugly dress and says, 'This looks much better on.' On what? On fire?
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My cousin just got married for the totally wrong reasons. She married a man for money. She wasn't real subtle about it. Instead of calling him her fiancé, she kept calling him her financee.
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