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Neurotics build castles in the air, psychotics live in them. My mother cleans them.

Rita Rudner

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Rita Rudner
Age: 71
Born: 1953
Born: September 17
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Voice Actor
Miami
Florida
Mother
Parenting
Women
Motherhood
Live
Mom
Daughter
Psychotics
Air
Neurotics
Build
Cleans
Humor
Psychotic
Funny
Castles

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I love to write jokes and that's all I think about.
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My cousin just got married for the totally wrong reasons. She married a man for money. She wasn't real subtle about it. Instead of calling him her fiancé, she kept calling him her financee.
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To attract men, I wear a perfume called 'New Car Interior.'
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I had no desire to be a stand-up comic until I decided to do it.
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My Vegas act is how I make my money.
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You know the oxygen masks on airplanes? I don't think there's really any oxygen. I think they're just to muffle the screams.
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After you've dated someone it should be legal to stamp them with what's wrong with them so the next person doesn't have to start from scratch.
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I love to shop after a bad relationship. I don't know. I buy a new outfit and it makes me feel better. It just does. Sometimes I see a really great outfit, I'll break up with someone on purpose.
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Men don't feel the urge to get married as quickly as women do because their clothes all button and zip in the front. Women's dresses usually button and zip in the back. We need men emotionally and sexually, but we also need men to help us get dressed.
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I had the most boring office job in the world...I used to clean the windows on envelopes.
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Men do cry, but only when assembling furniture.
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Men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage - they've experienced pain and bought jewelry.
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When I eventually met Mr. Right I had no idea that his first name was Always.
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Men reach their sexual peak at eighteen. Women reach theirs at thirty-five. Do you get the feeling that God is playing a practical joke?
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Los Angeles is a very transient town. It's the only place I know where you can actually rent a dog.
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A saleslady holds up an ugly dress and says, 'This looks much better on.' On what? On fire?
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No man is charming all of the time. Even Cary Grant is on record saying he wished he could be Cary Grant.
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Men don't live well by themselves. They don't even live like people. They live like bears with furniture.
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Thirty, I really like you but I still have to see other people.
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My husband gave me a necklace. It's fake. I requested fake. Maybe I'm paranoid, but in this day and age, I don't want something around my neck that's worth more than my head.
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