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Men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage - they've experienced pain and bought jewelry.
Rita Rudner
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Rita Rudner
Age: 71
Born: 1953
Born: September 17
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Voice Actor
Miami
Florida
Men
Experienced
Ears
Prepared
Newlyweds
Marriage
Jewellery
Humor
Pierced
Funny
Jewelry
Pain
Jewels
Better
Bought
More quotes by Rita Rudner
My husband gave me a necklace. It's fake. I requested fake. Maybe I'm paranoid, but in this day and age, I don't want something around my neck that's worth more than my head.
Rita Rudner
Someday I want to be rich. Some people get so rich they lose all respect for humanity. That's how rich I want to be.
Rita Rudner
Men who listen to classical music tend not to spit.
Rita Rudner
Men don't mature. Marry a younger one.
Rita Rudner
I don't look back. I'm like a shark - I only look forward.
Rita Rudner
I burned sixty calories. That should take care of a peanut I had in 1962.
Rita Rudner
Men don't live well by themselves. They don't even live like people. They live like bears with furniture.
Rita Rudner
My father was never very friendly. When I was growing up, I thought the doorbell ringing was a signal to pretend you weren't home.
Rita Rudner
Men reach their sexual peak at eighteen. Women reach theirs at thirty-five. Do you get the feeling that God is playing a practical joke?
Rita Rudner
Thirty, I really like you but I still have to see other people.
Rita Rudner
I want to have children, but my friends scare me. One of my friends told me she was in labor for 36 hours. I don't even want to do anything that feels good for 36 hours.
Rita Rudner
My cousin just got married for the totally wrong reasons. She married a man for money. She wasn't real subtle about it. Instead of calling him her fiancé, she kept calling him her financee.
Rita Rudner
I love to shop after a bad relationship. I don't know. I buy a new outfit and it makes me feel better. It just does. Sometimes I see a really great outfit, I'll break up with someone on purpose.
Rita Rudner
Life is tough enough without having someone kick you from the inside.
Rita Rudner
All men look at Dr. Ruth and wonder how she has gained all that sexual experience.
Rita Rudner
We've begun to long for the pitter-patter of little feet - so we bought a dog. Well, it's cheaper, and you get more feet.
Rita Rudner
I get so happy when I write a joke. It's a very satisfying, liberating feeling.
Rita Rudner
Men own basketball teams. Every year cheerleaders' outfits get tighter and briefer, and players' shorts get baggier and longer.
Rita Rudner
I don't want to push the envelope. Let the envelope stay in the middle of the table. I'll just make you laugh.
Rita Rudner
A saleslady holds up an ugly dress and says, 'This looks much better on.' On what? On fire?
Rita Rudner
