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I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult.
Rita Rudner
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Rita Rudner
Age: 71
Born: 1953
Born: September 17
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Voice Actor
Miami
Florida
Think
Dogs
Terriers
Thinking
Witty
Poodles
Faithful
Canine
Weird
Puppy
Dog
Bark
Members
Tails
Wonder
Cult
Religious
Pet
Spaniels
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To attract men, I wear a perfume called 'New Car Interior.'
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My grandmother was a very tough woman. She buried three husbands and two of them were just napping.
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If I say a joke and the audience laughs it makes me feel good.
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Men don't feel the urge to get married as quickly as women do because their clothes all button and zip in the front. Women's dresses usually button and zip in the back. We need men emotionally and sexually, but we also need men to help us get dressed.
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When I eventually met Mr. Right I had no idea that his first name was Always.
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I jogged for three miles once. It was the worst three hours of my life.
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Someday I want to be rich. Some people get so rich they lose all respect for humanity. That's how rich I want to be.
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My husband gave me a necklace. It's fake. I requested fake. Maybe I'm paranoid, but in this day and age, I don't want something around my neck that's worth more than my head.
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Individuality in dressing is not important to men. If they all look alike it means they haven't made a mistake.
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I never know what to get my father for his birthday. I gave him a hundred dollars and said, 'Buy yourself something that will make your life easier.' So he went out and bought a present for my mother.
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Men who are going bald often wear baseball caps.
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Men are self-confident because they grow up identifying with super-heroes. Women have bad self-images because they grow up identifying with Barbie.
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Men don't live well by themselves. They don't even live like people. They live like bears with furniture.
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Going out to eat is expensive. I was out at one restaurant and they didn't have prices on the menu. Just faces with different expressions of horror.
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I had the most boring office job in the world...I used to clean the windows on envelopes.
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If your husband has difficulty getting to sleep, the words 'we need to talk about our relationship' may help.
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