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I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult.
Rita Rudner
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Rita Rudner
Age: 71
Born: 1953
Born: September 17
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Voice Actor
Miami
Florida
Thinking
Witty
Poodles
Faithful
Canine
Weird
Puppy
Dog
Bark
Members
Tails
Wonder
Cult
Religious
Pet
Spaniels
Think
Dogs
Terriers
More quotes by Rita Rudner
If your husband has difficulty getting to sleep, the words 'we need to talk about our relationship' may help.
Rita Rudner
You know the oxygen masks on airplanes? I don't think there's really any oxygen. I think they're just to muffle the screams.
Rita Rudner
After you've dated someone it should be legal to stamp them with what's wrong with them so the next person doesn't have to start from scratch.
Rita Rudner
Be careful of men who are bald and rich the arrogance of rich usually cancels out the nice of bald.
Rita Rudner
When four or more men get together, they talk about sports.
Rita Rudner
How come when you mix water and flour together you get glue...and then you add eggs and sugar and you get cake? Where does the glue go?
Rita Rudner
I have too many credit cards. You know what happened? Someone stole one and I didn't notice. I noticed when I got that bill. Whoa! It was so much less! I'm letting him keep it. I'm saving money!
Rita Rudner
Men do cry, but only when assembling furniture.
Rita Rudner
Men like phones with lots of buttons. It makes them feel important.
Rita Rudner
Not one man in a beer commercial has a beerbelly.
Rita Rudner
The way a man looks at himself in a mirror will tell you if he can ever care about anyone else.
Rita Rudner
Men are brave enough to go to war, but they are not brave enough to get a bikini wax.
Rita Rudner
There are different kinds of humor, some is sarcastic, some introspective. Introspective fit my personality better.
Rita Rudner
Envy the kangaroo. That pouch setup is extraordinary the baby crawls out of the womb when it is about two inches long, gets into the pouch, and proceeds to mature. I'd have a baby if it would develop in my handbag.
Rita Rudner
I read recipes the same way I read science fiction. I get to the end and say to myself well, that's not going to happen
Rita Rudner
I don't look back. I'm like a shark - I only look forward.
Rita Rudner
Some women hold up dresses that are so ugly and they always say the same thing: 'This looks much better on.' On what? On fire?
Rita Rudner
A saleslady holds up an ugly dress and says, 'This looks much better on.' On what? On fire?
Rita Rudner
Women take clothing much more seriously than men. I've never seen a man walk into a party and say Oh, my God, I'm so embarrassed get me out of here. There's another man wearing a black tuxedo.
Rita Rudner
All men think that they're nice guys. Some of them are not. Contact me for a list of names.
Rita Rudner