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When I eventually met Mr. Right I had no idea that his first name was Always.

Rita Rudner

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Rita Rudner
Age: 71
Born: 1953
Born: September 17
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Voice Actor
Miami
Florida
Right
Mets
Always
Name
Love
Names
Life
Funny
Idea
Hilarious
Ideas
Witty
Firsts
Humorous
First
Eventually

More quotes by Rita Rudner

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My grandmother was a very tough woman. She buried three husbands and two of them were just napping.
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One of my first office jobs was cleaning the windows on brown envelopes.
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Men hate to lose. I once beat my husband at tennis. I asked him, Are we going to have sex again? He said, Yes, but not with each other.
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Men don't feel the urge to get married as quickly as women do because their clothes all button and zip in the front. Women's dresses usually button and zip in the back. We need men emotionally and sexually, but we also need men to help us get dressed.
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I work for myself, which is fun. Except when I call in sick, I know I'm lying.
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Men who listen to classical music tend not to spit.
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Men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage - they've experienced pain and bought jewelry.
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Men don't live well by themselves. They don't even live like people. They live like bears with furniture.
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How come when you mix water and flour together you get glue...and then you add eggs and sugar and you get cake? Where does the glue go?
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I love to write jokes and that's all I think about.
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Waiters and waitresses are becoming nicer and much more caring. I used to pay my check, they would say Thank you. That's now escalated into You care care of yourself, now. The other day I paid my check and the waiter said, Don't put off that mammogram.
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Life is tough enough without having someone kick you from the inside.
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Going out to eat is expensive. I was out at one restaurant and they didn't have prices on the menu. Just faces with different expressions of horror.
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Men are sensitive in strange ways. If a man has built a fire and the last log does not burn, he will take it personally.
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I don't want to push the envelope. Let the envelope stay in the middle of the table. I'll just make you laugh.
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I read recipes the same way I read science fiction. I get to the end and say to myself well, that's not going to happen
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I adore being hitched. It's so extraordinary to discover one unique individual you need to irritate for whatever remains of your life.
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Los Angeles is a very transient town. It's the only place I know where you can actually rent a dog.
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My father watched football with the sound off because he lived in fear of hearing the voice of Howard Cosell.
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To attract men, I wear a perfume called 'New Car Interior.'
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