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When I eventually met Mr. Right I had no idea that his first name was Always.

Rita Rudner

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Rita Rudner
Age: 71
Born: 1953
Born: September 17
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Voice Actor
Miami
Florida
Idea
Hilarious
Ideas
Witty
Firsts
Humorous
First
Eventually
Right
Mets
Always
Name
Love
Names
Life
Funny

More quotes by Rita Rudner

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Men don't mature. Marry a younger one.
Rita Rudner
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I never know what to get my father for his birthday. I gave him a hundred dollars and said, 'Buy yourself something that will make your life easier.' So he went out and bought a present for my mother.
Rita Rudner
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The word 'aerobics' came about when the gym instructors got together and said: If we're going to charge $10 an hour, we can't call it Jumping up and down.
Rita Rudner
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Men are sensitive in strange ways. If a man has built a fire and the last log does not burn, he will take it personally.
Rita Rudner
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There are different kinds of humor, some is sarcastic, some introspective. Introspective fit my personality better.
Rita Rudner
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My father watched football with the sound off because he lived in fear of hearing the voice of Howard Cosell.
Rita Rudner
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Why are women wearing perfumes that smell like flowers to attract men? Men don't like flowers. I have a great idea for a scent that will attract men - how about New Car Interior?
Rita Rudner
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Men don't live well by themselves. They don't even live like people. They live like bears with furniture.
Rita Rudner
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Men have higher body temperatures than women. If your heating goes out in winter, I recommend sleeping next to a man. Men are like portable heaters that snore.
Rita Rudner
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Men who are going bald often wear baseball caps.
Rita Rudner
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I had the most boring office job in the world...I used to clean the windows on envelopes.
Rita Rudner
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I get a lot of return business. I think it's all those years I put in traveling around the country people saw me before and had a good time so they want to see me again.
Rita Rudner
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My husband gave me a necklace. It's fake. I requested fake. Maybe I'm paranoid, but in this day and age, I don't want something around my neck that's worth more than my head.
Rita Rudner
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Men like phones with lots of buttons. It makes them feel important.
Rita Rudner
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It takes six months to get into shape and two weeks to get out of shape. Once you know this you can stop being angry about other things in life and only be angry about this.
Rita Rudner
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When four or more men get together, they talk about sports.
Rita Rudner
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Men don't feel the urge to get married as quickly as women do because their clothes all button and zip in the front. Women's dresses usually button and zip in the back. We need men emotionally and sexually, but we also need men to help us get dressed.
Rita Rudner
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Women take clothing much more seriously than men. I've never seen a man walk into a party and say Oh, my God, I'm so embarrassed get me out of here. There's another man wearing a black tuxedo.
Rita Rudner
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My mother is such a lousy cook that Thanksgiving at her house is a time of sorrow.
Rita Rudner
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Be careful of men who are bald and rich the arrogance of rich usually cancels out the nice of bald.
Rita Rudner