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When I eventually met Mr. Right I had no idea that his first name was Always.

Rita Rudner

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Rita Rudner
Age: 71
Born: 1953
Born: September 17
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Voice Actor
Miami
Florida
Love
Names
Life
Funny
Idea
Hilarious
Ideas
Witty
Firsts
Humorous
First
Eventually
Right
Mets
Always
Name

More quotes by Rita Rudner

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Men own basketball teams. Every year cheerleaders' outfits get tighter and briefer, and players' shorts get baggier and longer.
Rita Rudner
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Going out to eat is expensive. I was out at one restaurant and they didn't have prices on the menu. Just faces with different expressions of horror.
Rita Rudner
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Not one man in a beer commercial has a beerbelly.
Rita Rudner
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Men are self-confident because they grow up identifying with super-heroes. Women have bad self-images because they grow up identifying with Barbie.
Rita Rudner
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Men who are going bald often wear baseball caps.
Rita Rudner
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I work for myself, which is fun. Except when I call in sick, I know I'm lying.
Rita Rudner
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I adore being hitched. It's so extraordinary to discover one unique individual you need to irritate for whatever remains of your life.
Rita Rudner
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The time you spend grieving over a man should never exceed the amount of time you actually spent with him
Rita Rudner
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A saleslady holds up an ugly dress and says, 'This looks much better on.' On what? On fire?
Rita Rudner
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One of my first office jobs was cleaning the windows on brown envelopes.
Rita Rudner
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I never know what to get my father for his birthday. I gave him a hundred dollars and said, 'Buy yourself something that will make your life easier.' So he went out and bought a present for my mother.
Rita Rudner
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I don't want to push the envelope. Let the envelope stay in the middle of the table. I'll just make you laugh.
Rita Rudner
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Most turkeys taste better the day after my mother's tasted better the day before.
Rita Rudner
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I read recipes the same way I read science fiction. I get to the end and say to myself well, that's not going to happen
Rita Rudner
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Men reach their sexual peak at eighteen. Women reach theirs at thirty-five. Do you get the feeling that God is playing a practical joke?
Rita Rudner
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My husband gave me a necklace. It's fake. I requested fake. Maybe I'm paranoid, but in this day and age, I don't want something around my neck that's worth more than my head.
Rita Rudner
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I burned sixty calories. That should take care of a peanut I had in 1962.
Rita Rudner
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Life is tough enough without having someone kick you from the inside.
Rita Rudner
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We've begun to long for the pitter-patter of little feet - so we bought a dog. Well, it's cheaper, and you get more feet.
Rita Rudner
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I know I want to have children while my parents are still young enough to take care of them.
Rita Rudner