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When I eventually met Mr. Right I had no idea that his first name was Always.

Rita Rudner

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Rita Rudner
Age: 71
Born: 1953
Born: September 17
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Voice Actor
Miami
Florida
Life
Funny
Idea
Hilarious
Ideas
Witty
Firsts
Humorous
First
Eventually
Right
Mets
Always
Name
Love
Names

More quotes by Rita Rudner

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Men don't live well by themselves. They don't even live like people. They live like bears with furniture.
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I had no desire to be a stand-up comic until I decided to do it.
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I have been doing leg lifts faithfully for about fifteen years, and the only thing that has gotten thinner is the carpet where I have been doing the leg lifts.
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One of my first office jobs was cleaning the windows on brown envelopes.
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Waiters and waitresses are becoming nicer and much more caring. I used to pay my check, they would say Thank you. That's now escalated into You care care of yourself, now. The other day I paid my check and the waiter said, Don't put off that mammogram.
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Going out to eat is expensive. I was out at one restaurant and they didn't have prices on the menu. Just faces with different expressions of horror.
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Most turkeys taste better the day after my mother's tasted better the day before.
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I want to have young children although my mother and father are even now young sufficient to just take care of them.
Rita Rudner
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Wives are people who think it's against the law not to answer the phone when it rings.
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My boyfriend and I broke up. He wanted to get married and I didn't want him to.
Rita Rudner
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Yes, I've now got this nice little apartment in New York, one of those L-shaped ones. Unfortunately, it's a lower case l.
Rita Rudner
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Men hate to lose. I once beat my husband at tennis. I asked him, Are we going to have sex again? He said, Yes, but not with each other.
Rita Rudner
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If you like easygoing, monogamous men, stay away from billionaires.
Rita Rudner
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My Vegas act is how I make my money.
Rita Rudner
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Neurotics build castles in the air, psychotics live in them. My mother cleans them.
Rita Rudner
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Be careful of men who are bald and rich the arrogance of rich usually cancels out the nice of bald.
Rita Rudner
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My husband gave me a necklace. It's fake. I requested fake. Maybe I'm paranoid, but in this day and age, I don't want something around my neck that's worth more than my head.
Rita Rudner
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A saleslady holds up an ugly dress and says, 'This looks much better on.' On what? On fire?
Rita Rudner
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If I say a joke and the audience laughs it makes me feel good.
Rita Rudner
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No man is charming all of the time. Even Cary Grant is on record saying he wished he could be Cary Grant.
Rita Rudner