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When I eventually met Mr. Right I had no idea that his first name was Always.

Rita Rudner

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Rita Rudner
Age: 71
Born: 1953
Born: September 17
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Voice Actor
Miami
Florida
Always
Name
Love
Names
Life
Funny
Idea
Hilarious
Ideas
Witty
Firsts
Humorous
First
Eventually
Right
Mets

More quotes by Rita Rudner

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The word 'aerobics' came about when the gym instructors got together and said: If we're going to charge $10 an hour, we can't call it Jumping up and down.
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I burned sixty calories. That should take care of a peanut I had in 1962.
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I never know what to get my father for his birthday. I gave him a hundred dollars and said, 'Buy yourself something that will make your life easier.' So he went out and bought a present for my mother.
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Men are brave enough to go to war, but they are not brave enough to get a bikini wax.
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I don't look back. I'm like a shark - I only look forward.
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Going out to eat is expensive. I was out at one restaurant and they didn't have prices on the menu. Just faces with different expressions of horror.
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When you're a dancer, you start with the basics. You don't all of a sudden do a grand jete and pirouette. You start with first position, second, third.
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All men look at Dr. Ruth and wonder how she has gained all that sexual experience.
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Waiters and waitresses are becoming nicer and much more caring. I used to pay my check, they would say Thank you. That's now escalated into You care care of yourself, now. The other day I paid my check and the waiter said, Don't put off that mammogram.
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A saleslady holds up an ugly dress and says, 'This looks much better on.' On what? On fire?
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Men who listen to classical music tend not to spit.
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To attract men, I wear a perfume called 'New Car Interior.'
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Only men who have worn a ski suit understand how complicated it is for a woman to go to the bathroom when she's wearing a jumpsuit.
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I get so happy when I write a joke. It's a very satisfying, liberating feeling.
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If your husband has difficulty getting to sleep, the words 'we need to talk about our relationship' may help.
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Men accept compliments much better than women do. Example: Mitch, you look great. Mitch: Thanks. On the other side: Ruth, you look great. Ruth: I do? Must be the lighting.
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I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult.
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I want to have children, but my friends scare me. One of my friends told me she was in labor for 36 hours. I don't even want to do anything that feels good for 36 hours.
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If you like easygoing, monogamous men, stay away from billionaires.
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When four or more men get together, they talk about sports.
Rita Rudner