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When I eventually met Mr. Right I had no idea that his first name was Always.

Rita Rudner

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Rita Rudner
Age: 71
Born: 1953
Born: September 17
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Voice Actor
Miami
Florida
Life
Funny
Idea
Hilarious
Ideas
Witty
Firsts
Humorous
First
Eventually
Right
Mets
Always
Name
Love
Names

More quotes by Rita Rudner

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Men like to barbecue. Men will cook if danger is involved.
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I get a lot of return business. I think it's all those years I put in traveling around the country people saw me before and had a good time so they want to see me again.
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If you like easygoing, monogamous men, stay away from billionaires.
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Before I met my husband, I'd never fallen in love. I'd stepped in it a few times.
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Men accept compliments much better than women do. Example: Mitch, you look great. Mitch: Thanks. On the other side: Ruth, you look great. Ruth: I do? Must be the lighting.
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Men reach their sexual peak at eighteen. Women reach theirs at thirty-five. Do you get the feeling that God is playing a practical joke?
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No man is charming all of the time. Even Cary Grant is on record saying he wished he could be Cary Grant.
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I burned sixty calories. That should take care of a peanut I had in 1962.
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I had the most boring office job in the world...I used to clean the windows on envelopes.
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Men like phones with lots of buttons. It makes them feel important.
Rita Rudner
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Neurotics build castles in the air, psychotics live in them. My mother cleans them.
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Why are women wearing perfumes that smell like flowers to attract men? Men don't like flowers. I have a great idea for a scent that will attract men - how about New Car Interior?
Rita Rudner
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There are different kinds of humor, some is sarcastic, some introspective. Introspective fit my personality better.
Rita Rudner
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How come when you mix water and flour together you get glue...and then you add eggs and sugar and you get cake? Where does the glue go?
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It takes six months to get into shape and two weeks to get out of shape. Once you know this you can stop being angry about other things in life and only be angry about this.
Rita Rudner
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Men have higher body temperatures than women. If your heating goes out in winter, I recommend sleeping next to a man. Men are like portable heaters that snore.
Rita Rudner
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I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult.
Rita Rudner
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I'll never understand why people go to movie theaters to have conversations. Going to the movies to talk is like going to a restaurant to cook. The idea is that you have paid your money to have someone do something better than you can do it yourself.
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My Vegas act is how I make my money.
Rita Rudner
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Most turkeys taste better the day after my mother's tasted better the day before.
Rita Rudner