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Before I met my husband, I'd never fallen in love. I'd stepped in it a few times.

Rita Rudner

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Rita Rudner
Age: 71
Born: 1953
Born: September 17
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Voice Actor
Miami
Florida
Love
Stepped
Valentine
Fallen
Mets
Husband
Times
Funny
Never
Anniversary

More quotes by Rita Rudner

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Men do not like to admit to even momentary imperfection. My husband forgot the code to turn off the alarm. When the police came, he wouldn't admit he'd forgotten the code... he turned himself in.
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An amicable divorce is like a ventilated condom it just doesn't work.
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Some women hold up dresses that are so ugly and they always say the same thing: 'This looks much better on.' On what? On fire?
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Men who listen to classical music tend not to spit.
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My mother is such a lousy cook that Thanksgiving at her house is a time of sorrow.
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You know the oxygen masks on airplanes? I don't think there's really any oxygen. I think they're just to muffle the screams.
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Men accept compliments much better than women do. Example: Mitch, you look great. Mitch: Thanks. On the other side: Ruth, you look great. Ruth: I do? Must be the lighting.
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Los Angeles is a very transient town. It's the only place I know where you can actually rent a dog.
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Women take clothing much more seriously than men. I've never seen a man walk into a party and say Oh, my God, I'm so embarrassed get me out of here. There's another man wearing a black tuxedo.
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Men are sensitive in strange ways. If a man has built a fire and the last log does not burn, he will take it personally.
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Only men who have worn a ski suit understand how complicated it is for a woman to go to the bathroom when she's wearing a jumpsuit.
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If your husband has difficulty getting to sleep, the words 'we need to talk about our relationship' may help.
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It takes six months to get into shape and two weeks to get out of shape. Once you know this you can stop being angry about other things in life and only be angry about this.
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To attract men, I wear a perfume called 'New Car Interior.'
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I don't want to push the envelope. Let the envelope stay in the middle of the table. I'll just make you laugh.
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Men are self-confident because they grow up identifying with super-heroes. Women have bad self-images because they grow up identifying with Barbie.
Rita Rudner
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I read recipes the same way I read science fiction. I get to the end and say to myself well, that's not going to happen
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I had no desire to be a stand-up comic until I decided to do it.
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My father was never very friendly. When I was growing up, I thought the doorbell ringing was a signal to pretend you weren't home.
Rita Rudner
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If I say a joke and the audience laughs it makes me feel good.
Rita Rudner