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Before I met my husband, I'd never fallen in love. I'd stepped in it a few times.

Rita Rudner

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Rita Rudner
Age: 71
Born: 1953
Born: September 17
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Voice Actor
Miami
Florida
Valentine
Fallen
Mets
Husband
Times
Funny
Never
Anniversary
Love
Stepped

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Men do cry, but only when assembling furniture.
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I suffer from peroxide phobia. Every time I've gotten near a blond woman, something of mine has disappeared. Jobs, boyfriends... one time an angora sweater leaped right off my body.
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I had the most boring office job in the world...I used to clean the windows on envelopes.
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When you're a dancer, you start with the basics. You don't all of a sudden do a grand jete and pirouette. You start with first position, second, third.
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Life is tough enough without having someone kick you from the inside.
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I was a ballerina. I had to quit after I injured a groin muscle. It wasn't mine.
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Neurotics build castles in the air, psychotics live in them. My mother cleans them.
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All men look at Dr. Ruth and wonder how she has gained all that sexual experience.
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Men don't feel the urge to get married as quickly as women do because their clothes all button and zip in the front. Women's dresses usually button and zip in the back. We need men emotionally and sexually, but we also need men to help us get dressed.
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I adore being hitched. It's so extraordinary to discover one unique individual you need to irritate for whatever remains of your life.
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I want to have children, but my friends scare me. One of my friends told me she was in labor for 36 hours. I don't even want to do anything that feels good for 36 hours.
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You know the oxygen masks on airplanes? I don't think there's really any oxygen. I think they're just to muffle the screams.
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Individuality in dressing is not important to men. If they all look alike it means they haven't made a mistake.
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Men own basketball teams. Every year cheerleaders' outfits get tighter and briefer, and players' shorts get baggier and longer.
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How come when you mix water and flour together you get glue...and then you add eggs and sugar and you get cake? Where does the glue go?
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My husband gave me a necklace. It's fake. I requested fake. Maybe I'm paranoid, but in this day and age, I don't want something around my neck that's worth more than my head.
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No man is charming all of the time. Even Cary Grant is on record saying he wished he could be Cary Grant.
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Men have an easier time buying bathing suits. Women have two types: depressing and more depressing. Men have two types: nerdy and not nerdy.
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Most turkeys taste better the day after my mother's tasted better the day before.
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I'll never understand why people go to movie theaters to have conversations. Going to the movies to talk is like going to a restaurant to cook. The idea is that you have paid your money to have someone do something better than you can do it yourself.
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