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Before I met my husband, I'd never fallen in love. I'd stepped in it a few times.

Rita Rudner

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Rita Rudner
Age: 71
Born: 1953
Born: September 17
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Voice Actor
Miami
Florida
Love
Stepped
Valentine
Fallen
Mets
Husband
Times
Funny
Never
Anniversary

More quotes by Rita Rudner

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Only men who have worn a ski suit understand how complicated it is for a woman to go to the bathroom when she's wearing a jumpsuit.
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I had no desire to be a stand-up comic until I decided to do it.
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All men think that they're nice guys. Some of them are not. Contact me for a list of names.
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The word 'aerobics' came about when the gym instructors got together and said: If we're going to charge $10 an hour, we can't call it Jumping up and down.
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I don't look back. I'm like a shark - I only look forward.
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I get a lot of return business. I think it's all those years I put in traveling around the country people saw me before and had a good time so they want to see me again.
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There are different kinds of humor, some is sarcastic, some introspective. Introspective fit my personality better.
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When four or more men get together, they talk about sports.
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Men reach their sexual peak at eighteen. Women reach theirs at thirty-five. Do you get the feeling that God is playing a practical joke?
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The time you spend grieving over a man should never exceed the amount of time you actually spent with him
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How come when you mix water and flour together you get glue...and then you add eggs and sugar and you get cake? Where does the glue go?
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I just don't get cats. To me, they're a waste of fur.
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Wives are people who think it's against the law not to answer the phone when it rings.
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Never take candy from strangers.
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I adore being hitched. It's so extraordinary to discover one unique individual you need to irritate for whatever remains of your life.
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I never know what to get my father for his birthday. I gave him a hundred dollars and said, 'Buy yourself something that will make your life easier.' So he went out and bought a present for my mother.
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My husband gave me a necklace. It's fake. I requested fake. Maybe I'm paranoid, but in this day and age, I don't want something around my neck that's worth more than my head.
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I hate learning through experience. Just once I'd like to learn something because someone was nice enough to tell me in advance.
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I'll never understand why people go to movie theaters to have conversations. Going to the movies to talk is like going to a restaurant to cook. The idea is that you have paid your money to have someone do something better than you can do it yourself.
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A good place to meet a man is at the dry cleaner. These men usually have jobs and bathe.
Rita Rudner