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Before I met my husband, I'd never fallen in love. I'd stepped in it a few times.

Rita Rudner

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Rita Rudner
Age: 71
Born: 1953
Born: September 17
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Voice Actor
Miami
Florida
Husband
Times
Funny
Never
Anniversary
Love
Stepped
Valentine
Fallen
Mets

More quotes by Rita Rudner

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I want to have children, but my friends scare me. One of my friends told me she was in labor for 36 hours. I don't even want to do anything that feels good for 36 hours.
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When four or more men get together, they talk about sports.
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I don't want to push the envelope. Let the envelope stay in the middle of the table. I'll just make you laugh.
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All men think that they're nice guys. Some of them are not. Contact me for a list of names.
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My new dress. Do you like it? It's from my favorite designer, On Sale.
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Men don't feel the urge to get married as quickly as women do because their clothes all button and zip in the front. Women's dresses usually button and zip in the back. We need men emotionally and sexually, but we also need men to help us get dressed.
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I know I want to have children while my parents are still young enough to take care of them.
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Men don't mature. Marry a younger one.
Rita Rudner
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Life is tough enough without having someone kick you from the inside.
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I get a lot of return business. I think it's all those years I put in traveling around the country people saw me before and had a good time so they want to see me again.
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I want to have young children although my mother and father are even now young sufficient to just take care of them.
Rita Rudner
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If I say a joke and the audience laughs it makes me feel good.
Rita Rudner
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Waiters and waitresses are becoming nicer and much more caring. I used to pay my check, they would say Thank you. That's now escalated into You care care of yourself, now. The other day I paid my check and the waiter said, Don't put off that mammogram.
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I work for myself, which is fun. Except when I call in sick, I know I'm lying.
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Men are sensitive in strange ways. If a man has built a fire and the last log does not burn, he will take it personally.
Rita Rudner
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I hate learning through experience. Just once I'd like to learn something because someone was nice enough to tell me in advance.
Rita Rudner
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I had no desire to be a stand-up comic until I decided to do it.
Rita Rudner
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Never take candy from strangers.
Rita Rudner
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My parents were glad to see that my new husband looks like a 'regular guy'-no earring or anything. But really I think a man with an earring is better prepared for marriage. I mean, he's already experienced pain and bought jewelry.
Rita Rudner
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I burned sixty calories. That should take care of a peanut I had in 1962.
Rita Rudner