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God is the great janitor of the universe. Why things don't work is that we have a janitor in charge, and we keep looking for the landlord.
Richard Kadrey
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Richard Kadrey
Age: 67
Born: 1957
Born: August 27
Novelist
Photographer
Science Fiction Writer
Writer
New York City
New York
Richard Albert Kadrey
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Janitor
Landlord
Charge
Looking
Universe
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Great
More quotes by Richard Kadrey
Try not to sing too many sad songs for yourself. The universe already hates you. Self-pity isn't going to help.
Richard Kadrey
Chasing a burning girl down a city street is a lot harder than it sounds. Civilians tend to stop and stare and this turns them into human bowling pins. Slow whiny bowling pins.
Richard Kadrey
Twenty percent? What am I, your waiter? I got you five vampires, not a BLT.
Richard Kadrey
I tap a Malediction out of the box, fire it up, and puff. It tastes like a tire fire in a candy factory next door to a strip club. The best cigarettes ever.
Richard Kadrey
We must always look after our friends, even when they are foolish. Especially when they are foolish.
Richard Kadrey
That's what Glocks are. High-precision killing machines that scream Daddy Issues.
Richard Kadrey
The universe is a meat grinder and we're just pork in designer shoes, keeping busy so we can pretend we're not all headed for the sausage factory. Maybe I've been hallucinating this whole time and there is no Heaven and Hell. Instead of having to choose between God and the devil, maybe our only real choice comes down to link or patty?
Richard Kadrey
If Donald Trump and the Wicked Witch of the West had a kid, it would be Jayne-Anne. She looks like a librarian with some money and good taste in clothes but underneath the Verace, she's Godzilla with tits.
Richard Kadrey
In the Tarot deck, the Fool is depicted as a young man about to step off a cliff into empty air. Most people assume that the Fool will fall. But we don't see it happen, and a Fool doesn't know that he's subject to the laws of gravity. Against all odds, he just might float.
Richard Kadrey
No wonder Sherlock Holmes did all that coke. Math is hard.
Richard Kadrey
If Jesus was a bartender, He would still only be half as cool as Carlos.
Richard Kadrey
Besides, do you think you would have come if I’d just popped into your tattoo shop one night around closing and said, ‘Hello, I’m the Prince of Darkness. Think you could help me out with a little war next Tuesday, say, sixish?
Richard Kadrey
Did I hurt your feelings again? Sorry. When this is all over I'll send some flowers to your inner child.
Richard Kadrey
If his drunkenness had legs, it would be Alexander the Great and conquer the known world. Then it would puke for a week into a solid gold toilet it stole from Zeus's guest room.
Richard Kadrey
There are two Venices I know about and one of them is a hotel in Vegas. The other is an L.A. beach where pretty girls walk their dogs while wearing as little as possible and mutant slabs of tanned, posthuman beef sip iced steroid lattes and pump iron until their pecs are the size of Volkswagens.
Richard Kadrey
Don't talk. Kill it. That might be the sweetest thing a woman's ever said to me on a first date.
Richard Kadrey
He wore his fear on his skin for everyone to see.
Richard Kadrey
Enemies will kill you with a knife in the back. Friends will kill you with kindness. Either way you're dead.
Richard Kadrey
I'd like to think they're staring at me because of my white-hot animal magnetism, but I'm not Elvis. I'm Lobster Boy, hear me roar.
Richard Kadrey
In this life, no matter what anyone promises you, what allegiances of love or fealty they swear or what gods they pray to, you will never have more than what you have at this moment.
Richard Kadrey