Quote

If his drunkenness had legs, it would be Alexander the Great and conquer the known world. Then it would puke for a week into a solid gold toilet it stole from Zeus's guest room.

Richard Kadrey

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Richard Kadrey
Age: 67
Born: 1957
Born: August 27
Novelist
Photographer
Science Fiction Writer
Writer
New York City
New York
Richard Albert Kadrey
Rooms
Toilets
Week
Guest
Known
Guests
Puke
Great
Solid
Zeus
Would
Conquer
Stole
World
Legs
Drunkenness
Gold
Alexander
Room
Toilet

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Twenty percent? What am I, your waiter? I got you five vampires, not a BLT.
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If I learned anything Downtown, it's this: the only real difference between an enemy and a friend is the day of the week.
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Chasing a burning girl down a city street is a lot harder than it sounds. Civilians tend to stop and stare and this turns them into human bowling pins. Slow whiny bowling pins.
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Besides, do you think you would have come if I’d just popped into your tattoo shop one night around closing and said, ‘Hello, I’m the Prince of Darkness. Think you could help me out with a little war next Tuesday, say, sixish?
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I seldom feel trapped by my world. Setting up rules and restrictions is part of the process. It gives your world shape. I always look at these things like haiku: you have to work within certain parameters, but within them, you’re completely free.
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There are two Venices I know about and one of them is a hotel in Vegas. The other is an L.A. beach where pretty girls walk their dogs while wearing as little as possible and mutant slabs of tanned, posthuman beef sip iced steroid lattes and pump iron until their pecs are the size of Volkswagens.
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Don't talk. Kill it. That might be the sweetest thing a woman's ever said to me on a first date.
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No wonder Sherlock Holmes did all that coke. Math is hard.
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In the Tarot deck, the Fool is depicted as a young man about to step off a cliff into empty air. Most people assume that the Fool will fall. But we don't see it happen, and a Fool doesn't know that he's subject to the laws of gravity. Against all odds, he just might float.
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We must always look after our friends, even when they are foolish. Especially when they are foolish.
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I tap a Malediction out of the box, fire it up, and puff. It tastes like a tire fire in a candy factory next door to a strip club. The best cigarettes ever.
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That's what Glocks are. High-precision killing machines that scream Daddy Issues.
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I can deal with fighting in the arena in Hell, but laundry and dishes put the fear of God in me.
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If Donald Trump and the Wicked Witch of the West had a kid, it would be Jayne-Anne. She looks like a librarian with some money and good taste in clothes but underneath the Verace, she's Godzilla with tits.
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In this life, no matter what anyone promises you, what allegiances of love or fealty they swear or what gods they pray to, you will never have more than what you have at this moment.
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He wore his fear on his skin for everyone to see.
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Did I hurt your feelings again? Sorry. When this is all over I'll send some flowers to your inner child.
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The universe is a meat grinder and we're just pork in designer shoes, keeping busy so we can pretend we're not all headed for the sausage factory. Maybe I've been hallucinating this whole time and there is no Heaven and Hell. Instead of having to choose between God and the devil, maybe our only real choice comes down to link or patty?
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Enemies will kill you with a knife in the back. Friends will kill you with kindness. Either way you're dead.
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Try not to sing too many sad songs for yourself. The universe already hates you. Self-pity isn't going to help.
Richard Kadrey