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In life your dreams may not come true, but sooner or later one of your nightmares will.

Richard Jeni

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Richard Jeni
Age: 49 †
Born: 1957
Born: April 14
Died: 2007
Died: March 10
Acting
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Brooklyn
New York
Richard John Colangelo
May
Come
Nightmares
Life
Sooner
Nightmare
Later
Dreams
True
Dream

More quotes by Richard Jeni

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I met a girl, we ate, we drank, had sex, got married, had affairs, broke up - God, what a night that was!
Richard Jeni
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There is no romance without some lying. That's what romance is - a little bit of Vaseline on the camera lens of life.
Richard Jeni
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When one guy sees an invisible man he's a nut case ten people see him it's a cult ten million people see him it's a respected religion.
Richard Jeni
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Today, I bought a pastrami sandwich: $13.75. Walked back out in the street - genuine Rolex watch: six bucks.
Richard Jeni
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Success is like toilet paper, it only seems important when you don't have it.
Richard Jeni
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If you're going to war over religion, now you're just getting into a fight over who has the better imaginary friend.
Richard Jeni
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I was brought up Catholic. My mom brought us to mass every Sunday - short for 'massive head trauma' that you get from your mother punching you in your little nine-year-old head every minute because you can't sit still for anything that's boring.
Richard Jeni
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Why do women care about how big their feet are? I never saw a guy at the beach going, 'Wow, look at that woman, she is really... oh, darn! The feet are too big.'
Richard Jeni
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Religious war at its simplest is killing each other over who has the best imaginary friend.
Richard Jeni
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The way I see life, it's like we're all flying on the Hindenburg, why fight over the window seats?
Richard Jeni
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We would need less gun control if we had better birth control.
Richard Jeni
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Why is human cloning illegal? All it is is making a certain type of person on purpose. Can they possibly be any worse than the assholes we're pumping out by accident?
Richard Jeni
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Seventy-five percent of all Americans believe that angels are real. Which is amazing when you consider that forty percent of all Americans think DNA evidence is unreliable.
Richard Jeni
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In New York, the principal leisure activity is internal bleeding.
Richard Jeni
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Live each day as if it were the last day of your life because, so far, it is.
Richard Jeni
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Spiritual is the word people use when they mean they want to be covered whey they die but they're not getting up early on a Sunday.
Richard Jeni
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America: Twenty million illegal aliens can't be wrong!
Richard Jeni
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In the United States economic system you can lose big or you can win big. If you lose you wind up wearing a Hefty bag and sleeping in a doorway. If you win you can have sex with Catherine Zeta Jones when you're seventy-five.
Richard Jeni
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Imagine my surprise when it turned out the main thing that I was qualified for was to get another degree and teach Political Science to other people, who would, in turn, teach it to other people! This wasn't higher education, this was Amway with a football team!
Richard Jeni
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Easiest job you could ever have... whoever gets to put Michael Jackson in a witness chair and create reasonable doubt.
Richard Jeni