Quote

There is no romance without some lying. That's what romance is - a little bit of Vaseline on the camera lens of life.

Richard Jeni

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Richard Jeni
Age: 49 †
Born: 1957
Born: April 14
Died: 2007
Died: March 10
Acting
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Brooklyn
New York
Richard John Colangelo
Life
Camera
Romance
Cameras
Bits
Lying
Littles
Vaseline
Little
Lens
Without
Lenses

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If carrots are good for my eyes, how come I see so many dead rabbits on the highway?
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You should never die for your beliefs, because what if you're wrong?
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Today, I bought a pastrami sandwich: $13.75. Walked back out in the street - genuine Rolex watch: six bucks.
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When one guy sees an invisible man he's a nut case ten people see him it's a cult ten million people see him it's a respected religion.
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Ridiculous that some people feel superior to the gay minority. They're the only couples you'll ever find poking around for ceramics and candle holders in the winery gift shop and both parties really want to be there.
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America: Twenty million illegal aliens can't be wrong!
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We spend the second half of our life making up for the first half.
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In New York, the principal leisure activity is internal bleeding.
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I met a girl, we ate, we drank, had sex, got married, had affairs, broke up - God, what a night that was!
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Live each day as if it were the last day of your life because, so far, it is.
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Success is like toilet paper, it only seems important when you don't have it.
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Why do women care about how big their feet are? I never saw a guy at the beach going, 'Wow, look at that woman, she is really... oh, darn! The feet are too big.'
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Religious war at its simplest is killing each other over who has the best imaginary friend.
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Spiritual is the word people use when they mean they want to be covered whey they die but they're not getting up early on a Sunday.
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I was brought up Catholic. My mom brought us to mass every Sunday - short for 'massive head trauma' that you get from your mother punching you in your little nine-year-old head every minute because you can't sit still for anything that's boring.
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The way I see life, it's like we're all flying on the Hindenburg, why fight over the window seats?
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If you're going to war over religion, now you're just getting into a fight over who has the better imaginary friend.
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Easiest job you could ever have... whoever gets to put Michael Jackson in a witness chair and create reasonable doubt.
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Animals are happier than humans because they're like furry little existentialists, all living in the moment. Their collective motto: live fast, die young, and leave a good-looking pelt.
Richard Jeni
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It's always the guy who gets the diarrhea on the commercial at an inconvenient moment. As if you've ever been in a situation: 'You know, this would be a great time to get the runs, you think? I mean the sun's out, we're on the ferris wheel - what are we waiting for?
Richard Jeni