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Animals are happier than humans because they're like furry little existentialists, all living in the moment. Their collective motto: live fast, die young, and leave a good-looking pelt.

Richard Jeni

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Richard Jeni
Age: 49 †
Born: 1957
Born: April 14
Died: 2007
Died: March 10
Acting
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Brooklyn
New York
Richard John Colangelo
Humans
Dies
Collectives
Good
Moment
Happier
Like
Living
Collective
Moments
Fast
Existentialists
Young
Animals
Pelt
Littles
Leave
Existentialist
Live
Animal
Furry
Little
Looking
Motto

More quotes by Richard Jeni

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Imagine my surprise when it turned out the main thing that I was qualified for was to get another degree and teach Political Science to other people, who would, in turn, teach it to other people! This wasn't higher education, this was Amway with a football team!
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In the United States economic system you can lose big or you can win big. If you lose you wind up wearing a Hefty bag and sleeping in a doorway. If you win you can have sex with Catherine Zeta Jones when you're seventy-five.
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Live each day as if it were the last day of your life because, so far, it is.
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Religious war at its simplest is killing each other over who has the best imaginary friend.
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If you're going to war over religion, now you're just getting into a fight over who has the better imaginary friend.
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The way I see life, it's like we're all flying on the Hindenburg, why fight over the window seats?
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Success is like toilet paper, it only seems important when you don't have it.
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If carrots are good for my eyes, how come I see so many dead rabbits on the highway?
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When one guy sees an invisible man he's a nut case ten people see him it's a cult ten million people see him it's a respected religion.
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There is no romance without some lying. That's what romance is - a little bit of Vaseline on the camera lens of life.
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Ridiculous that some people feel superior to the gay minority. They're the only couples you'll ever find poking around for ceramics and candle holders in the winery gift shop and both parties really want to be there.
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I met a girl, we ate, we drank, had sex, got married, had affairs, broke up - God, what a night that was!
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If you ever thought you were ugly, Los Angeles is the place to come and find out you were right.
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Easiest job you could ever have... whoever gets to put Michael Jackson in a witness chair and create reasonable doubt.
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We spend the second half of our life making up for the first half.
Richard Jeni
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You should never die for your beliefs, because what if you're wrong?
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We would need less gun control if we had better birth control.
Richard Jeni
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Why do women care about how big their feet are? I never saw a guy at the beach going, 'Wow, look at that woman, she is really... oh, darn! The feet are too big.'
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America: Twenty million illegal aliens can't be wrong!
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In New York, the principal leisure activity is internal bleeding.
Richard Jeni