Quote

Animals are happier than humans because they're like furry little existentialists, all living in the moment. Their collective motto: live fast, die young, and leave a good-looking pelt.

Richard Jeni

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Richard Jeni
Age: 49 †
Born: 1957
Born: April 14
Died: 2007
Died: March 10
Acting
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Brooklyn
New York
Richard John Colangelo
Littles
Leave
Existentialist
Live
Animal
Furry
Little
Looking
Motto
Humans
Dies
Collectives
Good
Moment
Happier
Like
Living
Collective
Moments
Fast
Existentialists
Young
Animals
Pelt

More quotes by Richard Jeni

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Today, I bought a pastrami sandwich: $13.75. Walked back out in the street - genuine Rolex watch: six bucks.
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You should never die for your beliefs, because what if you're wrong?
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There is no romance without some lying. That's what romance is - a little bit of Vaseline on the camera lens of life.
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Live each day as if it were the last day of your life because, so far, it is.
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We would need less gun control if we had better birth control.
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Easiest job you could ever have... whoever gets to put Michael Jackson in a witness chair and create reasonable doubt.
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Seventy-five percent of all Americans believe that angels are real. Which is amazing when you consider that forty percent of all Americans think DNA evidence is unreliable.
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We spend the second half of our life making up for the first half.
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Imagine my surprise when it turned out the main thing that I was qualified for was to get another degree and teach Political Science to other people, who would, in turn, teach it to other people! This wasn't higher education, this was Amway with a football team!
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Why is human cloning illegal? All it is is making a certain type of person on purpose. Can they possibly be any worse than the assholes we're pumping out by accident?
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I was brought up Catholic. My mom brought us to mass every Sunday - short for 'massive head trauma' that you get from your mother punching you in your little nine-year-old head every minute because you can't sit still for anything that's boring.
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I met a girl, we ate, we drank, had sex, got married, had affairs, broke up - God, what a night that was!
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It's always the guy who gets the diarrhea on the commercial at an inconvenient moment. As if you've ever been in a situation: 'You know, this would be a great time to get the runs, you think? I mean the sun's out, we're on the ferris wheel - what are we waiting for?
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Ridiculous that some people feel superior to the gay minority. They're the only couples you'll ever find poking around for ceramics and candle holders in the winery gift shop and both parties really want to be there.
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If carrots are good for my eyes, how come I see so many dead rabbits on the highway?
Richard Jeni
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Why do women care about how big their feet are? I never saw a guy at the beach going, 'Wow, look at that woman, she is really... oh, darn! The feet are too big.'
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In life your dreams may not come true, but sooner or later one of your nightmares will.
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In New York, the principal leisure activity is internal bleeding.
Richard Jeni
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Religious war at its simplest is killing each other over who has the best imaginary friend.
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Spiritual is the word people use when they mean they want to be covered whey they die but they're not getting up early on a Sunday.
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