Quote

We would need less gun control if we had better birth control.

Richard Jeni

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

Richard Jeni
Age: 49 †
Born: 1957
Born: April 14
Died: 2007
Died: March 10
Acting
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Brooklyn
New York
Richard John Colangelo
Less
Better
Need
Needs
Would
Gun
Birth
Control

More quotes by Richard Jeni

Image
There is no romance without some lying. That's what romance is - a little bit of Vaseline on the camera lens of life.
Richard Jeni
Image
Easiest job you could ever have... whoever gets to put Michael Jackson in a witness chair and create reasonable doubt.
Richard Jeni
Image
Success is like toilet paper, it only seems important when you don't have it.
Richard Jeni
Image
If carrots are good for my eyes, how come I see so many dead rabbits on the highway?
Richard Jeni
Image
Why is human cloning illegal? All it is is making a certain type of person on purpose. Can they possibly be any worse than the assholes we're pumping out by accident?
Richard Jeni
Image
Imagine my surprise when it turned out the main thing that I was qualified for was to get another degree and teach Political Science to other people, who would, in turn, teach it to other people! This wasn't higher education, this was Amway with a football team!
Richard Jeni
Image
Why do women care about how big their feet are? I never saw a guy at the beach going, 'Wow, look at that woman, she is really... oh, darn! The feet are too big.'
Richard Jeni
Image
Spiritual is the word people use when they mean they want to be covered whey they die but they're not getting up early on a Sunday.
Richard Jeni
Image
In the United States economic system you can lose big or you can win big. If you lose you wind up wearing a Hefty bag and sleeping in a doorway. If you win you can have sex with Catherine Zeta Jones when you're seventy-five.
Richard Jeni
Image
Lobsters one of the only animals that have to put up with being alive in the restaurant. If you go to a steakhouse, folks - no cow tank.
Richard Jeni
Image
You should never die for your beliefs, because what if you're wrong?
Richard Jeni
Image
Animals are happier than humans because they're like furry little existentialists, all living in the moment. Their collective motto: live fast, die young, and leave a good-looking pelt.
Richard Jeni
Image
Live each day as if it were the last day of your life because, so far, it is.
Richard Jeni
Image
Seventy-five percent of all Americans believe that angels are real. Which is amazing when you consider that forty percent of all Americans think DNA evidence is unreliable.
Richard Jeni
Image
We spend the second half of our life making up for the first half.
Richard Jeni
Image
In life your dreams may not come true, but sooner or later one of your nightmares will.
Richard Jeni
Image
When one guy sees an invisible man he's a nut case ten people see him it's a cult ten million people see him it's a respected religion.
Richard Jeni
Image
I met a girl, we ate, we drank, had sex, got married, had affairs, broke up - God, what a night that was!
Richard Jeni
Image
If you're going to war over religion, now you're just getting into a fight over who has the better imaginary friend.
Richard Jeni
Image
If you ever thought you were ugly, Los Angeles is the place to come and find out you were right.
Richard Jeni