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We would need less gun control if we had better birth control.

Richard Jeni

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Richard Jeni
Age: 49 †
Born: 1957
Born: April 14
Died: 2007
Died: March 10
Acting
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Brooklyn
New York
Richard John Colangelo
Gun
Birth
Control
Less
Better
Need
Needs
Would

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I met a girl, we ate, we drank, had sex, got married, had affairs, broke up - God, what a night that was!
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Today, I bought a pastrami sandwich: $13.75. Walked back out in the street - genuine Rolex watch: six bucks.
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Live each day as if it were the last day of your life because, so far, it is.
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It's always the guy who gets the diarrhea on the commercial at an inconvenient moment. As if you've ever been in a situation: 'You know, this would be a great time to get the runs, you think? I mean the sun's out, we're on the ferris wheel - what are we waiting for?
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If carrots are good for my eyes, how come I see so many dead rabbits on the highway?
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Why is human cloning illegal? All it is is making a certain type of person on purpose. Can they possibly be any worse than the assholes we're pumping out by accident?
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In New York, the principal leisure activity is internal bleeding.
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Religious war at its simplest is killing each other over who has the best imaginary friend.
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Seventy-five percent of all Americans believe that angels are real. Which is amazing when you consider that forty percent of all Americans think DNA evidence is unreliable.
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When one guy sees an invisible man he's a nut case ten people see him it's a cult ten million people see him it's a respected religion.
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If you ever thought you were ugly, Los Angeles is the place to come and find out you were right.
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The way I see life, it's like we're all flying on the Hindenburg, why fight over the window seats?
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Animals are happier than humans because they're like furry little existentialists, all living in the moment. Their collective motto: live fast, die young, and leave a good-looking pelt.
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We spend the second half of our life making up for the first half.
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Imagine my surprise when it turned out the main thing that I was qualified for was to get another degree and teach Political Science to other people, who would, in turn, teach it to other people! This wasn't higher education, this was Amway with a football team!
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Spiritual is the word people use when they mean they want to be covered whey they die but they're not getting up early on a Sunday.
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In the United States economic system you can lose big or you can win big. If you lose you wind up wearing a Hefty bag and sleeping in a doorway. If you win you can have sex with Catherine Zeta Jones when you're seventy-five.
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America: Twenty million illegal aliens can't be wrong!
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If you're going to war over religion, now you're just getting into a fight over who has the better imaginary friend.
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You should never die for your beliefs, because what if you're wrong?
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