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Ridiculous that some people feel superior to the gay minority. They're the only couples you'll ever find poking around for ceramics and candle holders in the winery gift shop and both parties really want to be there.

Richard Jeni

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Richard Jeni
Age: 49 †
Born: 1957
Born: April 14
Died: 2007
Died: March 10
Acting
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Brooklyn
New York
Richard John Colangelo
Really
Gift
Candle
People
Couple
Shops
Ceramics
Party
Minorities
Holders
Around
Superior
Poking
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Couples
Ever
Superiors
Feel
Gay
Minority
Feels
Ridiculous
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More quotes by Richard Jeni

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Seventy-five percent of all Americans believe that angels are real. Which is amazing when you consider that forty percent of all Americans think DNA evidence is unreliable.
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Religious war at its simplest is killing each other over who has the best imaginary friend.
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You should never die for your beliefs, because what if you're wrong?
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If carrots are good for my eyes, how come I see so many dead rabbits on the highway?
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If you ever thought you were ugly, Los Angeles is the place to come and find out you were right.
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Why do women care about how big their feet are? I never saw a guy at the beach going, 'Wow, look at that woman, she is really... oh, darn! The feet are too big.'
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If you're going to war over religion, now you're just getting into a fight over who has the better imaginary friend.
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Animals are happier than humans because they're like furry little existentialists, all living in the moment. Their collective motto: live fast, die young, and leave a good-looking pelt.
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I was brought up Catholic. My mom brought us to mass every Sunday - short for 'massive head trauma' that you get from your mother punching you in your little nine-year-old head every minute because you can't sit still for anything that's boring.
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There is no romance without some lying. That's what romance is - a little bit of Vaseline on the camera lens of life.
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Easiest job you could ever have... whoever gets to put Michael Jackson in a witness chair and create reasonable doubt.
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Spiritual is the word people use when they mean they want to be covered whey they die but they're not getting up early on a Sunday.
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In New York, the principal leisure activity is internal bleeding.
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Success is like toilet paper, it only seems important when you don't have it.
Richard Jeni
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In the United States economic system you can lose big or you can win big. If you lose you wind up wearing a Hefty bag and sleeping in a doorway. If you win you can have sex with Catherine Zeta Jones when you're seventy-five.
Richard Jeni
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Why is human cloning illegal? All it is is making a certain type of person on purpose. Can they possibly be any worse than the assholes we're pumping out by accident?
Richard Jeni
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Lobsters one of the only animals that have to put up with being alive in the restaurant. If you go to a steakhouse, folks - no cow tank.
Richard Jeni
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We spend the second half of our life making up for the first half.
Richard Jeni
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Today, I bought a pastrami sandwich: $13.75. Walked back out in the street - genuine Rolex watch: six bucks.
Richard Jeni
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We would need less gun control if we had better birth control.
Richard Jeni