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America: Twenty million illegal aliens can't be wrong!

Richard Jeni

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Richard Jeni
Age: 49 †
Born: 1957
Born: April 14
Died: 2007
Died: March 10
Acting
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Brooklyn
New York
Richard John Colangelo
Millions
Wrong
America
Aliens
Illegal
Twenty
Twenties
Million

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Ridiculous that some people feel superior to the gay minority. They're the only couples you'll ever find poking around for ceramics and candle holders in the winery gift shop and both parties really want to be there.
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Spiritual is the word people use when they mean they want to be covered whey they die but they're not getting up early on a Sunday.
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Easiest job you could ever have... whoever gets to put Michael Jackson in a witness chair and create reasonable doubt.
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You should never die for your beliefs, because what if you're wrong?
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If you ever thought you were ugly, Los Angeles is the place to come and find out you were right.
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I was brought up Catholic. My mom brought us to mass every Sunday - short for 'massive head trauma' that you get from your mother punching you in your little nine-year-old head every minute because you can't sit still for anything that's boring.
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We would need less gun control if we had better birth control.
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In life your dreams may not come true, but sooner or later one of your nightmares will.
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Lobsters one of the only animals that have to put up with being alive in the restaurant. If you go to a steakhouse, folks - no cow tank.
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Why do women care about how big their feet are? I never saw a guy at the beach going, 'Wow, look at that woman, she is really... oh, darn! The feet are too big.'
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Live each day as if it were the last day of your life because, so far, it is.
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In New York, the principal leisure activity is internal bleeding.
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When one guy sees an invisible man he's a nut case ten people see him it's a cult ten million people see him it's a respected religion.
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If carrots are good for my eyes, how come I see so many dead rabbits on the highway?
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I met a girl, we ate, we drank, had sex, got married, had affairs, broke up - God, what a night that was!
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We spend the second half of our life making up for the first half.
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Religious war at its simplest is killing each other over who has the best imaginary friend.
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Today, I bought a pastrami sandwich: $13.75. Walked back out in the street - genuine Rolex watch: six bucks.
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The way I see life, it's like we're all flying on the Hindenburg, why fight over the window seats?
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It's always the guy who gets the diarrhea on the commercial at an inconvenient moment. As if you've ever been in a situation: 'You know, this would be a great time to get the runs, you think? I mean the sun's out, we're on the ferris wheel - what are we waiting for?
Richard Jeni