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There are very few humorists who have written first-rate humor after they've become elderly.

Richard Armour

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Richard Armour
Age: 82 †
Born: 1906
Born: July 15
Died: 1989
Died: February 28
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More quotes by Richard Armour

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If we cannot define stupidity, at least we can trace most human misfortunes and weaknesses to it. Its manifestations are legion, its symptoms are endless.
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In such novels as This Side of Paradise and The Great Gatsby, Fitzgerald depicts the spirit of the hour which is usually about 4 a.m. His suave young men, always commuting between Princeton and The Plaza in Stutz Bearcats never sat still for long. It was too uncomfortable, with a large flask in the hip pocket.
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Shakespeare, who never could think up a plot by himself, found this one [Macbeth] in Holinshed's Chronicles, changing it just enough so that no one would recognize the source. He didn't count on the resourcefulness of modern scholars, who have to discover things like this to become associate professors.
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Although practice swings Can be helpful things, Twere better, indeed, not take any Than to fiddle and fret And before playing get Exhausted from taking too many.
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(Francis) Bacon's best known writings are his essays. They are loved for many reasons, such as their being so short.
Richard Armour
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How I love to get a letter! I can think of nothing better Than perusing an epistolary item. But deep is my despondence, For I've found that correspondence Means that if you want to get 'em, You must write 'em!
Richard Armour
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In larger things we are convivial what causes trouble is the trivial.
Richard Armour
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I love a finished speaker, I really, truly do I don't mean one who's polished, I just mean one who's through.
Richard Armour
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If only I kept my eye on the ball, Looking downward as does the pro there, I might not see where it was going, at all, But there might be a chance it would go there.
Richard Armour
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Until Eve arrived, this was a man's world.
Richard Armour
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The hand is quicker than the eye is, but somewhat slower than the fly is.
Richard Armour
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If you convinced me And I convinced you, Would there not still be Two points of view?
Richard Armour
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There is some consolation in the fact that, even though your dreams don't come true, neither do your nightmares.
Richard Armour
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When it comes to eating, you can sometimes help yourself more by helping yourself less.
Richard Armour
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Good sportsmanship we hail, we sing, It's always pleasant when you spot it. There's only one unhappy thing: You have to lose to prove that you've got it.
Richard Armour
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Shake and shake the catsup bottle none will come and then a lot'll.
Richard Armour
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If I ever make a hole in one, A thrill that I've never known, I won't be believed and I'll have no fun, For I'm sure to be playing alone.
Richard Armour
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G is for Green, that's constructed to roll in every direction away from the hole.
Richard Armour
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Middle age is the time of life that a man first notices in his wife.
Richard Armour
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My day-old son is plenty scrawny, his mouth is wide with screams, or yawny His ears seem larger than he's needing, His nose is flat, his chin's receding. His skin is very, very red, He has no hair upon his head, And yet I'm proud as proud can be, To hear you say he looks like me.
Richard Armour