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There are very few humorists who have written first-rate humor after they've become elderly.

Richard Armour

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Richard Armour
Age: 82 †
Born: 1906
Born: July 15
Died: 1989
Died: February 28
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More quotes by Richard Armour

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There is some consolation in the fact that, even though your dreams don't come true, neither do your nightmares.
Richard Armour
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Middle age is the time of life that a man first notices in his wife.
Richard Armour
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If you convinced me And I convinced you, Would there not still be Two points of view?
Richard Armour
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If only I kept my eye on the ball, Looking downward as does the pro there, I might not see where it was going, at all, But there might be a chance it would go there.
Richard Armour
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If I ever make a hole in one, A thrill that I've never known, I won't be believed and I'll have no fun, For I'm sure to be playing alone.
Richard Armour
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Until Eve arrived, this was a man's world.
Richard Armour
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The hand is quicker than the eye is, but somewhat slower than the fly is.
Richard Armour
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Shakespeare, who never could think up a plot by himself, found this one [Macbeth] in Holinshed's Chronicles, changing it just enough so that no one would recognize the source. He didn't count on the resourcefulness of modern scholars, who have to discover things like this to become associate professors.
Richard Armour
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Rockefeller made his money in oil, which he discovered at the bottom of wells. Oil was considered crude in those days, but so was Rockefeller. Now both are considered quite refined.
Richard Armour
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(Francis) Bacon's best known writings are his essays. They are loved for many reasons, such as their being so short.
Richard Armour
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Some golfers blast their ball from traps, With one adroit explosion, But others, out in ten perhaps, Depend upon erosion.
Richard Armour
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If we cannot define stupidity, at least we can trace most human misfortunes and weaknesses to it. Its manifestations are legion, its symptoms are endless.
Richard Armour
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In larger things we are convivial what causes trouble is the trivial.
Richard Armour
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How I love to get a letter! I can think of nothing better Than perusing an epistolary item. But deep is my despondence, For I've found that correspondence Means that if you want to get 'em, You must write 'em!
Richard Armour
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I love a finished speaker, I really, truly do I don't mean one who's polished, I just mean one who's through.
Richard Armour
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Shake and shake the catsup bottle none will come and then a lot'll.
Richard Armour
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My day-old son is plenty scrawny, his mouth is wide with screams, or yawny His ears seem larger than he's needing, His nose is flat, his chin's receding. His skin is very, very red, He has no hair upon his head, And yet I'm proud as proud can be, To hear you say he looks like me.
Richard Armour
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This golfer has a wicked slice. And quite a follow-through. That's why his partner, who stood too close, Is on the green in two.
Richard Armour
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Although practice swings Can be helpful things, Twere better, indeed, not take any Than to fiddle and fret And before playing get Exhausted from taking too many.
Richard Armour
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G is for Green, that's constructed to roll in every direction away from the hole.
Richard Armour