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You know, last night it was so cold that my pillow and my sheets fought to see who got under the blankets first.

Red Skelton

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Red Skelton
Age: 84 †
Born: 1913
Born: July 18
Died: 1997
Died: September 17
Circus Performer
Comedian
Composer
Entertainer
Film Actor
Painter
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Singer
Television Actor
Richard Bernard Skelton
Richard Skelton
Richard Red Skelton
Sheets
Fought
Cold
Lasts
Last
Night
Blankets
Firsts
Blanket
First
Pillow

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Television: The device that brings into your living room characters you would never allow in your living room.
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All men make mistakes, but married men find out about them sooner.
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My doctor said I look like a million dollars - green and wrinkled.
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I consider the television set as the American fireplace, around which the whole family will gather.
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I'm nuts and I know it. But so long as I make 'em laugh, they ain't going to lock me up.
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I don't pick on politicians. They ain't done nothin'.
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People think I am dead because they haven’t seen me around for awhile. I’m not dead, I’m very much alive, as you can see. Although, there are two things I do before I get up every morning. I look around and if I don’t smell flowers or see candles flickering I go ahead and get up.
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I get plenty of exercise carrying the coffins of my friends who exercise.
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I have a sixth sense, but not the other five. If I wasn't making money, they'd put me away.
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It proves what they say, give the public what they want to see and they'll come out for it.
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Heard about the young deaf boy who used sign language-One day he told his mother a dirty joke and she washed his hands out with soap
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Any kid will run any errand for you, if you ask at bedtime.
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I left home because I was hungry.
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I was a sober as the next guy. The only problem is the next guy was Dean Martin
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Imitation isn't the sincerest form of flattery - it's plagiarism.
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Live by this credo: have a little laugh at life and look around you for happiness instead of sadness. Laughter has always brought me out of unhappy situations.
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Recipe for a happy marriage: My wife and I always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
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No matter what your heartache may be, laughing helps you forget it for a few seconds.
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I personally believe that each of us was put here for a purpose -- to build not to destroy. If I can make people smile, then I have served my purpose for God.
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