Quote

A fellow told me he was going to hang-glider school. He said, 'I've been going for three months. ' I said, 'How many successful jumps do you need to make before you graduate?' He said, 'All of them. '

Red Skelton

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Red Skelton
Age: 84 †
Born: 1913
Born: July 18
Died: 1997
Died: September 17
Circus Performer
Comedian
Composer
Entertainer
Film Actor
Painter
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Singer
Television Actor
Richard Bernard Skelton
Richard Skelton
Richard Red Skelton
School
Graduates
Need
Hang
Many
Fellow
Needs
Fellows
Going
Months
Make
Told
Successful
Jumps
Three
Graduate

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Recipe for a happy marriage: My wife and I always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
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I don't pick on politicians. They ain't done nothin'.
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I'm nuts and I know it. But so long as I make 'em laugh, they ain't going to lock me up.
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It proves what they say, give the public what they want to see and they'll come out for it.
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Live by this credo: have a little laugh at life and look around you for happiness instead of sadness. Laughter has always brought me out of unhappy situations.
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Imitation isn't the sincerest form of flattery - it's plagiarism.
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I personally believe we were put here to build and not to destroy.
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Old age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places.
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Heard about the young deaf boy who used sign language-One day he told his mother a dirty joke and she washed his hands out with soap
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I personally believe that each of us was put here for a purpose -- to build not to destroy. If I can make people smile, then I have served my purpose for God.
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No matter what your heartache may be, laughing helps you forget it for a few seconds.
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I consider the television set as the American fireplace, around which the whole family will gather.
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People think I am dead because they haven’t seen me around for awhile. I’m not dead, I’m very much alive, as you can see. Although, there are two things I do before I get up every morning. I look around and if I don’t smell flowers or see candles flickering I go ahead and get up.
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Mom used to say I didn't run away from home my destiny just caught up with me at an early age.
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She got a mud pack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off
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Television: The device that brings into your living room characters you would never allow in your living room.
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We also sleep in separate beds. Hers is in California and mine is in Texas
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Exercise? I get it on the golf course. When I see my friends collapse, I run for the paramedics.
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I was a sober as the next guy. The only problem is the next guy was Dean Martin
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I have a sixth sense, but not the other five. If I wasn't making money, they'd put me away.
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