Quote

A fellow told me he was going to hang-glider school. He said, 'I've been going for three months. ' I said, 'How many successful jumps do you need to make before you graduate?' He said, 'All of them. '

Red Skelton

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Red Skelton
Age: 84 †
Born: 1913
Born: July 18
Died: 1997
Died: September 17
Circus Performer
Comedian
Composer
Entertainer
Film Actor
Painter
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Singer
Television Actor
Richard Bernard Skelton
Richard Skelton
Richard Red Skelton
Many
Fellow
Needs
Fellows
Going
Months
Make
Told
Successful
Jumps
Three
Graduate
School
Graduates
Need
Hang

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I consider the television set as the American fireplace, around which the whole family will gather.
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Recipe for a happy marriage: My wife and I always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
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I'm nuts and I know it. But so long as I make 'em laugh, they ain't going to lock me up.
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I was a sober as the next guy. The only problem is the next guy was Dean Martin
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It proves what they say, give the public what they want to see and they'll come out for it.
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Any kid will run any errand for you, if you ask at bedtime.
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Imitation isn't the sincerest form of flattery - it's plagiarism.
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Live by this credo: have a little laugh at life and look around you for happiness instead of sadness. Laughter has always brought me out of unhappy situations.
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I don't pick on politicians. They ain't done nothin'.
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All men make mistakes, but married men find out about them sooner.
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I have a sixth sense, but not the other five. If I wasn't making money, they'd put me away.
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People think I am dead because they haven’t seen me around for awhile. I’m not dead, I’m very much alive, as you can see. Although, there are two things I do before I get up every morning. I look around and if I don’t smell flowers or see candles flickering I go ahead and get up.
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My doctor said I look like a million dollars - green and wrinkled.
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I get plenty of exercise carrying the coffins of my friends who exercise.
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Congress: Bingo with billions.
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I personally believe we were put here to build and not to destroy.
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Mom used to say I didn't run away from home my destiny just caught up with me at an early age.
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If by chance some day you're not feeling well and you should remember some silly thing I've said or done and it brings back a smile to your face or a chuckle to your heart, then my purpose as your clown has been fulfilled.
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I personally believe that each of us was put here for a purpose -- to build not to destroy. If I can make people smile, then I have served my purpose for God.
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No matter what your heartache may be, laughing helps you forget it for a few seconds.
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