Quote

A fellow told me he was going to hang-glider school. He said, 'I've been going for three months. ' I said, 'How many successful jumps do you need to make before you graduate?' He said, 'All of them. '

Red Skelton

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Red Skelton
Age: 84 †
Born: 1913
Born: July 18
Died: 1997
Died: September 17
Circus Performer
Comedian
Composer
Entertainer
Film Actor
Painter
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Singer
Television Actor
Richard Bernard Skelton
Richard Skelton
Richard Red Skelton
Make
Told
Successful
Jumps
Three
Graduate
School
Graduates
Need
Hang
Many
Fellow
Needs
Fellows
Going
Months

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Television: The device that brings into your living room characters you would never allow in your living room.
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Live by this credo: have a little laugh at life and look around you for happiness instead of sadness. Laughter has always brought me out of unhappy situations.
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We also sleep in separate beds. Hers is in California and mine is in Texas
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Imitation isn't the sincerest form of flattery - it's plagiarism.
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I only come to life when there are people watching.
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I personally believe that each of us was put here for a purpose -- to build not to destroy. If I can make people smile, then I have served my purpose for God.
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I have a sixth sense, but not the other five. If I wasn't making money, they'd put me away.
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No matter what your heartache may be, laughing helps you forget it for a few seconds.
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It proves what they say, give the public what they want to see and they'll come out for it.
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I don't pick on politicians. They ain't done nothin'.
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You know how to tell when you're getting old? When your broad mind changes places with your narrow waist.
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People think I am dead because they haven’t seen me around for awhile. I’m not dead, I’m very much alive, as you can see. Although, there are two things I do before I get up every morning. I look around and if I don’t smell flowers or see candles flickering I go ahead and get up.
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If by chance some day you're not feeling well and you should remember some silly thing I've said or done and it brings back a smile to your face or a chuckle to your heart, then my purpose as your clown has been fulfilled.
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I left home because I was hungry.
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Any kid will run any errand for you, if you ask at bedtime.
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Heard about the young deaf boy who used sign language-One day he told his mother a dirty joke and she washed his hands out with soap
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Recipe for a happy marriage: My wife and I always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
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Exercise? I get it on the golf course. When I see my friends collapse, I run for the paramedics.
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She got a mud pack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off
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I was a sober as the next guy. The only problem is the next guy was Dean Martin
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