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I was a sober as the next guy. The only problem is the next guy was Dean Martin

Red Skelton

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Red Skelton
Age: 84 †
Born: 1913
Born: July 18
Died: 1997
Died: September 17
Circus Performer
Comedian
Composer
Entertainer
Film Actor
Painter
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Singer
Television Actor
Richard Bernard Skelton
Richard Skelton
Richard Red Skelton
Dean
Martin
Sober
Drinking
Guy
Next
Problem

More quotes by Red Skelton

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It proves what they say, give the public what they want to see and they'll come out for it.
Red Skelton
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Congress: Bingo with billions.
Red Skelton
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Television: The device that brings into your living room characters you would never allow in your living room.
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If by chance some day you're not feeling well and you should remember some silly thing I've said or done and it brings back a smile to your face or a chuckle to your heart, then my purpose as your clown has been fulfilled.
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Live by this credo: have a little laugh at life and look around you for happiness instead of sadness. Laughter has always brought me out of unhappy situations.
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I left home because I was hungry.
Red Skelton
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No matter what your heartache may be, laughing helps you forget it for a few seconds.
Red Skelton
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Imitation isn't the sincerest form of flattery - it's plagiarism.
Red Skelton
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I don't pick on politicians. They ain't done nothin'.
Red Skelton
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My doctor said I look like a million dollars - green and wrinkled.
Red Skelton
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All men make mistakes, but married men find out about them sooner.
Red Skelton
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You know, last night it was so cold that my pillow and my sheets fought to see who got under the blankets first.
Red Skelton
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I get plenty of exercise carrying the coffins of my friends who exercise.
Red Skelton
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Heard about the young deaf boy who used sign language-One day he told his mother a dirty joke and she washed his hands out with soap
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Any kid will run any errand for you, if you ask at bedtime.
Red Skelton
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A fellow told me he was going to hang-glider school. He said, 'I've been going for three months. ' I said, 'How many successful jumps do you need to make before you graduate?' He said, 'All of them. '
Red Skelton
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I only come to life when there are people watching.
Red Skelton
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We also sleep in separate beds. Hers is in California and mine is in Texas
Red Skelton
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Recipe for a happy marriage: My wife and I always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
Red Skelton
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I personally believe we were put here to build and not to destroy.
Red Skelton