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I was a sober as the next guy. The only problem is the next guy was Dean Martin

Red Skelton

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Red Skelton
Age: 84 †
Born: 1913
Born: July 18
Died: 1997
Died: September 17
Circus Performer
Comedian
Composer
Entertainer
Film Actor
Painter
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Singer
Television Actor
Richard Bernard Skelton
Richard Skelton
Richard Red Skelton
Dean
Martin
Sober
Drinking
Guy
Next
Problem

More quotes by Red Skelton

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I'm nuts and I know it. But so long as I make 'em laugh, they ain't going to lock me up.
Red Skelton
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I get plenty of exercise carrying the coffins of my friends who exercise.
Red Skelton
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I left home because I was hungry.
Red Skelton
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It proves what they say, give the public what they want to see and they'll come out for it.
Red Skelton
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If by chance some day you're not feeling well and you should remember some silly thing I've said or done and it brings back a smile to your face or a chuckle to your heart, then my purpose as your clown has been fulfilled.
Red Skelton
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Congress: Bingo with billions.
Red Skelton
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I only come to life when there are people watching.
Red Skelton
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I don't pick on politicians. They ain't done nothin'.
Red Skelton
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People think I am dead because they haven’t seen me around for awhile. I’m not dead, I’m very much alive, as you can see. Although, there are two things I do before I get up every morning. I look around and if I don’t smell flowers or see candles flickering I go ahead and get up.
Red Skelton
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We also sleep in separate beds. Hers is in California and mine is in Texas
Red Skelton
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Old age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places.
Red Skelton
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My doctor said I look like a million dollars - green and wrinkled.
Red Skelton
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Mom used to say I didn't run away from home my destiny just caught up with me at an early age.
Red Skelton
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Television: The device that brings into your living room characters you would never allow in your living room.
Red Skelton
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A fellow told me he was going to hang-glider school. He said, 'I've been going for three months. ' I said, 'How many successful jumps do you need to make before you graduate?' He said, 'All of them. '
Red Skelton
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She got a mud pack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off
Red Skelton
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Recipe for a happy marriage: My wife and I always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
Red Skelton
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No matter what your heartache may be, laughing helps you forget it for a few seconds.
Red Skelton
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Heard about the young deaf boy who used sign language-One day he told his mother a dirty joke and she washed his hands out with soap
Red Skelton
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I consider the television set as the American fireplace, around which the whole family will gather.
Red Skelton