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She got a mud pack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off

Red Skelton

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Red Skelton
Age: 84 †
Born: 1913
Born: July 18
Died: 1997
Died: September 17
Circus Performer
Comedian
Composer
Entertainer
Film Actor
Painter
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Singer
Television Actor
Richard Bernard Skelton
Richard Skelton
Richard Red Skelton
Funny
Pack
Packs
Two
Fell
Great
Looked
Humor
Inspiration
Wife
Days
Mud

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Recipe for a happy marriage: My wife and I always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
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I consider the television set as the American fireplace, around which the whole family will gather.
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You know how to tell when you're getting old? When your broad mind changes places with your narrow waist.
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Television: The device that brings into your living room characters you would never allow in your living room.
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All men make mistakes, but married men find out about them sooner.
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No matter what your heartache may be, laughing helps you forget it for a few seconds.
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I get plenty of exercise carrying the coffins of my friends who exercise.
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I have a sixth sense, but not the other five. If I wasn't making money, they'd put me away.
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A fellow told me he was going to hang-glider school. He said, 'I've been going for three months. ' I said, 'How many successful jumps do you need to make before you graduate?' He said, 'All of them. '
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Live by this credo: have a little laugh at life and look around you for happiness instead of sadness. Laughter has always brought me out of unhappy situations.
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I'm nuts and I know it. But so long as I make 'em laugh, they ain't going to lock me up.
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We also sleep in separate beds. Hers is in California and mine is in Texas
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Congress: Bingo with billions.
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My doctor said I look like a million dollars - green and wrinkled.
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If by chance some day you're not feeling well and you should remember some silly thing I've said or done and it brings back a smile to your face or a chuckle to your heart, then my purpose as your clown has been fulfilled.
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I personally believe we were put here to build and not to destroy.
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I was a sober as the next guy. The only problem is the next guy was Dean Martin
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Mom used to say I didn't run away from home my destiny just caught up with me at an early age.
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Exercise? I get it on the golf course. When I see my friends collapse, I run for the paramedics.
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I don't pick on politicians. They ain't done nothin'.
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